Skerry

2009-06-12T23:34:00.004+08:00

I'm waiting for KYLE XY to load on Tudou. And even with Fei Xun Tudou, it's taking really longggg. So I shall blog.

28th May
Took lots photos at work because it was Nicholas's last day. He was leaving earlier than me!! >< Its just one day earlier, but still. I'm happy for him though. I think in a way, the updating the systems can, as he puts it 'drain out souls'. Haha..
Left for bugis to meet my sister for shopping purposes but we ended up buying stuff that we didn't intend to buy and nothing of which that we initially had in mind to buy. It always happens doesn't it. ><
Still had time to head down to clementi so I did, while my sister went home. And we bought 12 tutu kuehs at clementi. When I heard 12 I was like?? How to finish?? But we did! hahaa.. 6 peanut and 6 coconut. And they were good! See la. I need exercise man. Then we walked around and decided hey let's go play daytona. We played twice! And both times I led until the last round and was overtaken just a while before we ran out of time. >< Have to go play again man. Haha..

29th May
Last day at work!!!!! This job has given me a stable income and quite a leap in spending powers the last 6 months. Even though I would never voluntarily go back there to work again, I would say it has been quite an eye-opening experience.
And then in the evening we went to the southern ridges! Its really nice! It would have been much better if the weather was much cooler though. But I enjoyed it and the company. We should all go walk it again in the cooler 'seasons' of the year! And I shall make it a point to one day run from one end all the way to the other. Heh.

30th May
Our long awaited Adidas Sundown Marathon Women's 10km race! We did it in 1hr10mins. Much shorter than we expected. We were expecting btw 1hr 15 to 1hr 30 mins. Heh. Felt great completing it. I didn't particularly like the race route though. Scenery was limited and the return route was really narrow. The pathway is only wide enough for 2 pple. BUT, completing it with dear squadmates made it very memorable. We took lotsa photos after the race, before we headed home in the freezing MRT trains. Freezing mainly because our shirts were wet through =X

31st May
Went for service then headed to Iluma, the new shopping centre at bugis to celebrate Bernard's birthday. We were there for bout 2+ hours I think? Funny how we can always sit around some place and do nth but talk for really long! And we don't seem to ever run out of topics. Haha..
Headed to West Mall after for dinner at Sakae. And the 2 of us finished a PARTY set. Was really full! But the sushi was good and the company even better. Loved the gifts too! Thoughtful, sweet and practical! Had a nice walk to end the evening.

3rd June
It was a Wednesday. We run on wednesdays. So I very routinely got into running gear and headed to Bukit Gombak to meet dear squadmates. I thought I was on time, but apparently yini and xj were earlier. Then xj said she might no be running. I thought oh dear, is xj okay? Then xj said its complicated, she'll explain later. We were walking towards the stadium. When we got there I realised Chen Hian and Kailin were there! Then I noticed there was a cake. Hahaa.. So we didn't run that day. Siew ping came to join us after and we headed to West Mall for dinner. My dear squadmates! I thank God for each and every one of them. It has been 6 yrs! I think we've all grown a lot. But I really hope even in the years ahead, we'll still be able to meet and talk nonsense. Heh.

4th June
My birthday! =)) So basically I did nothing in the day till my electone lesson in the afternoon. And my tchr got me cake! Well, not the entire cake, just a slice of it. But still, very thoughtful!
Went home and celebrated with my family at Sushi Teh at West Coast Plaza. Another new shopping centre. Food was good too! And although I don't exactly talk to my family about stuff, it was nice just spending time with them.

5th June
Went to National Library in the afternoon to enjoy the aircon there. We both found interesting books to read and I borrowed one. Its funny and interesting at the same time! And very intriguing cos you actually know someone who has been through all that written in that what, 2 inch thick book? And then we took a bus to East Coast. You know what, its so much faster and more convenient to go to East Coast from city hall than from bedok like we used to do! We attempted to watch the sunset until we realised the sun was going to set behind us. >< Had good dinner and then a nice walk besides the waters. The breeze at the beaches was really great. Very nice break from the horrid weather we'll been having. Talked and then managed to catch the last trains and buses home. Dead tired by then. But it was a super day! Forgot to bring the cam though.. But that just means we have to go back there again some day. =P

6th June
I entirely forgot what this day used to mean. It never crossed my mind until now, cos I'm typing the date and it just struck me like, oh, the 6th of june. Haha.. Moved on. With much help from lotsa very important friends. =)
Then the 2a people came in the evening! And we celebrated my birthday, again. haha.. Its nice that we're always meeting! Though some people apparently seemed to ahem, lack, morals eh? hahaa.. But I guess we just enjoyed each other's company as usual.

7th June
We picnic-ed after service! Guess where? my house!! Hahaha.. Another failed attempt *thinks about the Marina Barrage incident* This time though, it was due to bad weather, or rather, seemingly bad weather. It looked like it was about to pour so we didn't want to risk it. But after we ate all the food and all, we realised it never did even drizzle. >< But well, we had good food! We're not bad cooks huh.
Went to meet yini for our regular sunday run but realised the stadium was closed for an event. So we decided, hey, lets go run around the neighbourhood. So we ran. And then we got ambitious and decided to run all the way from gombak to jurong east. We did! We touched the MRT station pillars and made our way back. And we thought, good thing we don't have money or ez-link cards so we die die have to run back and not slack. But on our way back, we took a different route and ended up hopelessly lost. =X Thankfully I had my phone, and a living version of a gps, who suprised us by eventually managing to locate us on his bike. =P Took us 2+ hours for the entire 'expedition'. Muscles were very sore but we sort of had fun. Sorry to have kept someone waiting though. Heh. Went to west mall for food then back home.

9th June
Went to cck for dinner. It has changed quite a bit! Even the food court seems impressive. Re-lived the old times walking through the huge pasar malam outside Lot 1. Learned that there is a malay version of the tutu kueh that has brown sugar for fillings instead of the usual coconut and peanut. It's good lehh! I shall look out for it the next time I see a pasar malam. Haha..

So there. That about sums up the past few weeks. Time flies.. It's mid june already. I shall enjoy and relax for the rest of June. Then start gearing up for uni in July. Let's hope uni won't be too much of a culture shock.

2009-05-26T23:16:00.002+08:00

It's been a while since I last blogged but basically you can sum up everything into 2 words: Unexpectedly Exciting

8 May
Watched Star trek. It was much better than I had expected. The intro was already very touching. And the plot wasn't that simple! Had a nice chill-out evening walking from ps to the esplanade after that. We met a whole group of plain clothes police/petrol officers at the esplanade. You would never think them to be officers if you didn't see them go up to people to check on them. There were really old people in the group, though they did look fit for their age.

9 May
We celebrated Marcus and Yong Qiang's birthday at my place. Meeting time was 1pm but we started celebrating close to 4pm. I think our punctuality problem is really serious now. But in any case, we still really enjoy each other's company. We had an impromptu 6J outing and all the girls pangsehed so it was just me and 5 other guys. We wanted to try this place with latin american cuisine but it was closed cos of the holiday so we ended up at Hogsbreath at Chijmes and they sure do have good steak there! Went down to the flyer after dinner. It's my second time on it but it's still really pretty. And I still intend to go on it at different times of the day and in different weather, some time in the future. Hehh. Went down to Marina Square for waffles after that and really, they have solid waffles that are super value for money.

12 May
All 3 of us - Qiao han, Rachel and myself, took an entire day off from work to go Haji Lane and Marina Barrage. Haji Lane wasn't open when we got there so there wasn't really much to look at. We headed down to the cold storage at Parco to get our food for the picnic at marina barrage and I received my call from SMU about the scholarship offer! And the weird thing was that I was actually feeling kinda disappointed listening to people talk about their scholarships and all, and then suddenly the call came in. Felt like God was deciding to make things a little more dramatic. Hahaa.. At my place, we started preparing the food but we got too impatient, and well, hungry and lazy in the process so we ended up finishing the food before we actually left for the barrage. We eventually made it to the barrage, where we took lots and lots of photos and had a nice chill-out session at the 'top' of the barrage. We were almost stranded there though. The taxis wouldn't come into the area, there was only one bus service and nobody would stop for a group of unarmed, harmless girls looking to hitch a ride. But in any case, we very fortunately caught the very last bus out and amazingly still made the trains.

15 May
Dinner at Dempsey hill. Its a really nice place. Its right smack in the town, yet it feels like an island all on its own. Food there was good too.
It was a memorable evening. Significant and really important to me.

16 May
I was awakened by a call I had least expected to receive. Keppel was calling for the 2nd interview, which means I made the crazy ability tests though I am quite sure I did quite badly. But in any case, it confused my entire morning. From 16 May onwards, I wasn't so sure I wanted a bonded scholarship.

22 May
Went to pool after work at AMK hub. And someone proved that 4 yrs not touching a pool table isn't a lot of harm done to one's pool skills =P Went down to town cos its a Friday night and ended up chilling out at Hip Diner at Cine. They have good soup! But their waffles cannot be compared to the ones we had at Marina Square.

23 May
Went cycling around the Bukit Batok area! And had quite a fall. Hahaa.. Then we went all the way up rifle range road. I almost died at the hills. I don't know how I made it but I was really aching all over the next day. But I really enjoyed myself!
We made Julie try her first durian at Geylang! I think we got ripped off. 57 bucks for a durian! But it was really good. And it was the first time I was having durians at Geylang. So many first times in the last couple of days huh.

24 May
We went to collect our Sundown Marathon race packs and they actually ran out of the exclusive women's 10km race tee so they printed new ones in a completely different design! We really wanted the purple ones so we ended up going for a bigger size but i think it fits quite well still. We ran 8km in the evening then I went on an exploration of the bukit batok area with a tour guide and a bicycle. How Bukit Batok links up to almost everywhere is an idea that still eludes me completely.

So there. I would never have expected any of this at the beginning of the year. There's a lot to commit to God. But He's making life really really exciting. Hehh.

2009-05-06T22:15:00.002+08:00

The first time I did my interview with Keppel, I was notified of the next assessment the following day. It has been almost an entire week since the last assessment and I have yet to receive any updates. I think that means it's bye bye to the Keppel scholarship, and well, basically to all my hopes of getting a scholarship.

Some people don't think I am very ambitious. Maybe I'm not. But I like pushing for more each time I reach some new level of achievement, whatever it may be. When I did my A's, I thought, yea, just let me get a double degree in SMU and I'll be glad enough. Now that that has happened, I find myself looking for a scholarship - and its not as if my parents can't afford my uni education. Yes there is prestige in a scholarship, there is a brighter future blah blah. But I think what makes me want the scholarship this badly now, is just so I have some tangible proof of my abilities. I did well for my A's, I play the electone, I'm doing volunteer work, I was a councilor, I run and I have good friends. I think I sound impressive (or at least I somehow managed to sound impressive to my interviewer), but really, I don't think I am that impressive. I'm just an average student who happened to get into a good school and to get many opportunities. But who wouldn't want to think they have potential for more? Who wouldn't want to see themselves grow and suprise themselves with what they can actually do?

I wouldn't say I am very easily contented. I have my dreams and my aspirations. But I am a realistic person; I've always been. If this is what I am capable of doing now, fine. I'm perfectly fine with that. But it doesn't mean that I'm not keen, not on the look-out for more. I wanna push my boundaries and suprise myself with what I can, or cannot do.

Perhaps that's the most important lesson to bring home from all the applications: To experience, discover and appreciate what I see in myself. I've never taken failure too well. But I think I'm slowly understanding that it's perfectly fine to fail. We all have our weaknesses. No one expects a perfect human being. And without this fear, I won't be afraid to take on challenges, to live life to the fullest.

Maybe (or rather, most likely), I'll end up without a scholarship. But so what? I'll make sure my uni life is just as, if not even more vibrant.

2009-05-03T22:53:00.002+08:00

I DELETED A SUPER LONG POST COS THE HTML GOT MESSED UP.
><
I'm too lazy to re-write. I shall just put in the main points.

Friday
Watched Xmen with squadmates!
Grandma's dinner at Copthorne King's Hotel
KTV at chinatown from 10pm to 1am!

Saturday
Wakey wakey at 6.30am when I slept at 2.30am the last night. >< It was pouring when I woke up. It stopped when I was in the train. It started again the moment I stepped out of Newton mrt station. BUT it stopped once we got to MacRitchie! And so we had a cool morning. See I bring the rain for a reason! Hehh. We went around MacRitchie and I realised it's quite a pretty place! But I think the main reason for me surviving that 11km was because we walked some of the parts. Had we jogged the entire thing I would have died. Hahaa. But I enjoyed it. And it was quite funny seeing Shaun meet so many of his friends along the way. Like they somehow or another were all at macritchie that saturday morning.
Brunch at Adam food centre
Bible study preparation with geraldine
Electone lesson, and realising when I met victor to pass him some stuff before that, that my phone had messed up and no one had been able to contact me the entire morning/afternoon. Received an influx of smses, of which many required action, but it was alrdy too late to do so. ><
Dinner with my family
Supper at Holland V. Missed the 970 back home cos I assumed the people waiting at the bus stop curb were going to flag the bus. But had company waiting for the next 970 so it wasn't that bad.

Sunday - comparatively less packed
Church service
Brunch at Ikea (I insist its ee-k-ah like ee-logical)
Bible study at my place
Hair cut at queensway
Dinner at Bukit Batok with relatives

I have tuition tmr!! I detest tuition. Even if I'm paid. I'll never join the teaching profession. Never.

I'm too tired to continue. Hahaa.. Time to get some rest.

2009-04-29T23:44:00.002+08:00

Ah I never expected to draw that many comments on the last post. Lol.

But in any case, I had my Keppel assessment today and it was seriously challenging =X I felt quite stupid after the tests actually. They were a little like the IQ tests on fb. The first one was short passages followed by true/false/cannot tell statements. The second was mainly intepreting graphs and data. The third was the pattern kind where you are shown a sequence and asked to decide what comes next. I left TEN questions blank for the last one. That's 1/4 of the total number of questions. And to think I was still kinda proud of myself for being able to figure out the answers as I did the first 30 questions. Righttt. Logical thinking and math are supposed to be my strengths. >< I was quite relieved though, that Keppel's idea of "verbal reasoning" was nothing close to a group debate/discussion. I don't think I would do well for that.

The essay question was unexpected but I suppose still manageable. I managed to write something sensible - or at least I think it is sensible, although my essay was clearly sorely lacking concrete examples. I realise though, that my EL has deproved tremendously. I seem to write very colloquially now. I really need to start reading and writing more.

That about sums up the assessment. I might not do well for it, but like all the others, I think it was a good experience. I met people I knew though! Shiju who did 你怕黑吗？in J1! I did sounds for that play. He went to VJC after the first 3 mths but we didn't know each other very well so we never kept in contact. We found each other familiar at the waiting area and somehow figured out how we knew each other. I think interviews and assesments are good for getting to know more people! Acquaintances they may be, but you might very well see them again. After all, only that many people intend to study overseas, and we only have that many universities in sg..

Electone competition was atrocious. Don't ask about it. Let's pretend it never happened! Hahaa. Rightt.

And mel! I only found out today what TGIF means!! Waaha. And I found out cos my sqdmates kept going TGIT cos tmr's the LAST working day for the week! Happiness. Hehh. And Geraldine and I are heading to Pizza Hut to make good their super attractive meal deal before we head to FaithActs.

I love the life I lead.

2009-04-23T23:12:00.002+08:00

I've been accepted at SMU! Double degree in Econs and Accountancy. Yeshh. Must learn to be content. No scholarship ehh nvm la right. I'll ehh go earn and save my own money for exchange. BUT I think I still have a slight chance at keppel's. I was quite happy with my performance at the interview and I have been 'invited' for the next assesment on wed. Its the part I hate most in all the scholarship selection processes but oh well. In any case, it'll be a good experience? After all, I think the 2 interviews that I flopped before I did the keppel one, were very useful for preparing me for the keppel one itself. Experience helps. But it kinda also reminds me that I'm not the type who'll excel at things I have never done before. But NVM.

On a side note, if anybody's going to smu, kindly let me know? I don't want to go to school on my own...

...I sound like a pre-schooler =/

2009-04-20T23:32:00.002+08:00

I feel more and more stupid after each interview =X

I would say the SMU one that I did this morning was way better than the CAAS one. The professors were friendly and they didn't put on airs. But I'm very disappointed with my performance because the questions were so simple and expected yet I didn't have the proper answers.

One of the highlights of my interview
Interviewer: (Pause) Well that's a really optimistic view of the econs crisis! *looks at other interviewer and laughs*

Me: Errr yah *laughs* (thinks: I would love to disappear now cos they know how little I know abt the econs crisis)

Awkward silence

Another highlight
Interviewer: So are you intending to go into teaching?

Me: Well, no. *laughs*

*interviewers laugh*

Interviewer: So what do you intend to do then?

Me: Eh work in the econs/finance department in a firm

Interviewers: *nods*

And then they decide to change the topic.

Me: *thinks: huh? That's all???*

Yet another highlight
Interviewer: So how familiar are you with the resilience package?

Me: *stumped; realise I've completely forgotten about it* Ahh, somewhat familiar.

Interviewer: Okay so tell us what you know about it.

Me: *thinks: oh dearrrrrrrrr*

There's a lot more that I rmb actually. My mind was whirring the moment I stepped into the interview room. I spoke so quickly and yet so fluently I suprised even myself. It didn't feel like I was the one speaking. The words just came and though I know I have shown myself to be an ignorant applicant with what I said, I thank God that at least I could string sentences at lightning speed.

I'm not optimistic about the scholarship. Not at all. I'll just be a normal student. Yea. It's not that bad is it? =X

You see that's the problem with aiming high. You, or at least I, will only give my best shot for smth I am convinced I want very badly. And so I usu convince myself that I want smth real bad so that I would see myself put in my all. But when I fail to get what I want in the end, the disappointment becomes real. Although in the first place, I wouldn't even have felt anything cos I was content with what I had and I didn't exactly want that additional smth. But oh welll. Who ask me to be so lazy I won't try hard enough for smth without first believing that I really want it?

Tmr's keppel. I'm not hopeful bout this one at all.

2009-04-20T00:27:00.000+08:00

OH MY GOSH. Interview in bout 10 hrs time? I really reallyyyy want this. Oh mannnnn.

2009-04-19T21:30:00.002+08:00

I am one LAZY girl.

I am supposed to be preparing for my interviews for tmr and tues but what have I been doing the entire evening? Come up with a few q&a for tmr's interview, facebook, email, and now I'm here! I dunno how I managed to waste 2 hrs doing all that leh. Goodness. I'm so laidback now its gonna be really difficult getting used to uni when it starts =X

Anyway, I've decided to do smth about my blog template. It has been quite a while since I accidentally saved this one over my previous one. And I have been too lazy (till today - actually I still am) to change the layout. But I'm quite sick of preparing for my interview so here I am.

Okay maybe I should go prepare for my interview. Sheeshh. Maybe I'll just revamp it a little.. After all the interview's at 10:15am! I don't have to wake up till 8. And I slept so much on friday night.

This is one pointless entry. Lol

2009-04-15T23:12:00.004+08:00

I get highly annoyed with myself when I get upset just cos he is. Its not like he cares, not like my concern matters. I feel for lotsa people but I feel so much more for him when things go wrong. Its as if you have this need to want somebody else to be happy and you know you would go all out to make it happen, only that they wouldn't want your help and wouldn't care less that you should be bothered. I am reminded again of the rejection but I also rmb why I managed to accept his decision after struggling with it for months. I know I have always held on to the tiny hope that things would work out fine, but facing rejection time and time again was much too painful. At least I am free from that now, well, sort of.

So he says, they are bastards. They want things they cannot get.

Really?

Sometimes I feel like a fool.

2009-04-14T23:54:00.002+08:00

Much thanks to GERALDINE! I have the song that we heard at the Nude bar =))

Listen to it. Its good. But the Cats in the Cradle did the mix much better. I think its just the jamming that's really good actually. Other than that, the song's just quite dark. The lyrics are really dark and I think the title puts me off quite a bit. But it has its own history - apparently smth about slavery. I'm so glad we're in a modern era where society doesn't condone such nonsense, or at least Singapore doesn't. Oh but then again, there are the maid-abusing employers. Sheeshh. Makes you wonder how there can be so much evil in this world. How can people do such crazy things and not have their conscience weighing on them? How do people go to war?? =X

Zombie - Cranberries

2009-04-12T20:56:00.002+08:00

I thought I would just drop by to say a few words since I'm still waiting for esther to call so I can go help her with her work.

I went for my very first uni/scholarship interview last thursday! It was a horrendous experience. I'm totally appalled at the fact that there lies such an area in the magnificent and magical place called the airport. Well enough said about the interview. I think I've complained a lot about it already. =X But in any case, if it did teach me anything, it is that I need to come up with a list of basic interview questions and think of how exactly I would answer them. I realise I pretty much have the answers to the questions but I can't verbalise them well enough. Hm.

Anyway, this weekend hasn't been exactly the most exciting, but it has been quite a busy one. I went to Mind's cafe with Disco on fri, and then went to just hang out with the 2a people, and as usual, well, hung out and did pretty much nth. Sat morning we had our Saturday Fellowship event and prasie God 3 boys/girls accepted Christ =)) I never really expected it actually. But then again, I wasn't around for the msg. There was this malay girl who couldn't join the rest for the msg so we sat outside and accompanied her. I'm quite suprised her parents even allow her to join the Girls' Brigade. But well, God works wonders. She asked me what the last supper was about. I tried to explain, but as always, trying to explain the gospel always reminds me that I'm really quite bad at it. I can't decide if its because I don't explain things very well or because I don't know the Word well enough. In any case, I think I should be reading my Bible more ><

Rushed home to practise my electone for bout an hour or so before heading for lesson. Amazingly managed to play the first half of the song without major errors and despite the fact that I was really tired. Headed off to school with initial plans to watch zongcai but it poured so the plans were abandoned and I ended up at Swenson's with Geraldine. I think Swenson's baked rice is really good! I've had it twice this week alrdy and I'm still not sick of it. We went down to the Nude bar outside Wisma for drinks and basically ended the day there. Drinks there are quite gd though the food is kinda pricey and not exactly very appetising. But they do have a pretty good band and I love one of their pieces. Quite lucky to have heard it both times we were there!

And then there's today! I think the Easter service was really good! Killed myself staying at yamaha the whole afternoon after service, had dinner and now I'm back home. I'm quite exhausted actually. But I haven't exactly done anything today. In fact I woke up at 7 though my alarm was to ring at 9. Needless to say, by 11am, I was alrdy very tired. I think I can spend an entire day taking intermittent naps. I need to sleep lesser! Don't wanna end up sleeping in class in uni.. ><

Ah received my sms! I have 30 mins to shower before I meet Esther. Just nice =)

2009-04-06T23:24:00.002+08:00

Its good to have someone to talk to. Haha.. I used to keep a lot of things to myself because I didn't want to show others the vulnerable side of me. I wanted to keep people at a distance. I couldn't allow anyone to come that close to me. It freaked me out.

But today I've to deal with things so bad I can't do it on my own. Honestly speaking though, I think I've just become much more dependent on others. And I really love the few people who have always been here for me.

I'm a very childish person, trust me. For all the maturity people claim I possess, I'm really just a 19 year old kid looking for the perfect boy, the most beautiful house, the prettiest dresses, lotsa friends and the wonderfully sweet fairy-tale ending.

Bet you never knew this side of me. Forgive me, I'm still young. =D

2009-04-06T01:06:00.002+08:00

i've been trying my best to keep that happy smile on today and I've had enough. Its a freaking moody day that's full of crap. I feel so stupid and so helpless staring at the scores. Its not that I don't want to, I'm really slow at this and I really cannot do it. I'm no talent. I've played the instrument long enough to know that.

And I'm sick of you playing with my feelings. I don't why I even feel guilty. Like its my fault you wanna wallow in self-pity. Like its my fault I'm not responding to yr blatant hints. Whats your problem??

It sucks to feel happy and yet a deepening sense of lost all at the same time. It sucks to wanna smile and cry at the same time. I never knew it was possible to genuinely feel both at the same time.

I wish life was simpler. I wish I could be satisfied with the Greatest Love of all. What is it in me that's missing?

2009-04-02T23:58:00.003+08:00

In less than a minute, it'll be FRIDAY. =DDD

Tmr the 2a pple are meeting again! Yays! Can't wait to see them again. Hehh. There's a lot going on this weekend. Tmr its dinner at vivo (yes I consider friday a weekend =P), sat there's the dreaded keppel scholarship tea, very stressful electone and then *hopefully* steamboat with 6J. Sun would be the usual rushing around in the earlier half of the day, a concert at 5 and then my dinner treat for my family at say, 7? Yea. Sounds good. I like having things to do with people. Hehh.

Kinda anxious about saturday's scholarship tea though. I still don't know how to prepare for an interview. I suddenly realise I've never done anything this serious before. The scariest interview I had was the Council Exco selection one in sec 3. But when I did that one, I had a mind not to get selected so it didn't matter to me how I performed. Other than that, it was the PW OP Q&A thingy that I wasn't even really nervous about. Come to think about it, I really wonder why. I was so sure I would be able to handle it.

You know what?? Its FRIDAY =D

Lets not deal on the past, or the worries of the present. Its friday. FRIDAY. We'll deal with the Keppel and the Electone thingys tmr night, assuming I don't feel as nua as I am right now =)

2009-03-28T13:24:00.002+08:00

Oh dear me. I just chose a really ugly template and I've lost all my LINKS. Sheesh.

I'm BORED. =( There's nth to do today. I don't like being at home now that I'm only home say max 10hrs a day on average? Sighhhhhs. Its a moody day. =(((

I wanna watch a movie. Anybody wants to watch a movie this evening? ANY movie. Oh man its so sad the guys are all in army now. There're so few of us left. =X

On a lighter note, I went to Bintan bout a week ago? Yeaa and I totally enjoyed it! The place was great and the company was even better! I like being overseas. You literally leave all yr cares behind and relax - although technically speaking, there isn't much for me to worry about right now. There's a lot of personal admin (on top of the dreaded office ones ><) to do though. I wish I could start uni like now. I don't want to go for an interview. Oh mann. I wish I could be financially independent though..

Life has been pretty loaded, kinda hectic sometimes. But it all seems so purposeless. In the end, you just feel best being around people you treasure. That is enough reason for ANOTHER HOLIDAY =DDD

2009-03-08T00:58:00.004+08:00

There has only been 1 thing in my life that I have really wanted and fought really hard for, so far. I lost that one. But that's not the point. The point is, that now I have found something that I really want and I am so excited and at the same time, anxious about it, I haven't been able to get to sleep the past few nights.

I wanna go smu.

The fact that I have the grades makes me all the more anxious because there is still the admissions interview. I'm almost there, yet I have yet to cross the finishing or, ironically the starting - to uni life, line. I've always gotten more impatient and excited at the last lap of my runs, literally.

There is so much to do in the coming days! But I am more than satisfied already. I'll try my best to get a scholarship, but even if I don't get a single one, I'll be happy enough just to be in smu, doing the course I want. I've already wasted 2 years. I'm not going to make the same mistake again. This time I promise myself that I'll not regret my decision. Even if I get the worst culture shock in my life despite all the mental preparation, I will take up the challenge gladly and lead a fulfilling 4+ years of uni life. Lol. 4.5 yrs. You can't just let it pass like that!

But I wanna be sure to rmb all my friends and family, despite the intensity of uni life. Even if I change, may it be for the better. I still want to serve in FaithActs and be His hands and feet. I want to be sure to centre my life upon Him and His kingdom. May I not be led astray the way I was the past 2 years. I want to rmb that He always comes first.

2009-03-01T00:02:00.001+08:00

Actually I don't know why I'm here cos I don't really have much to say. Or rather, I'm kinda loazy to talk about what has been going on and what is to happen in the next few days. But life is generally going to be busy as usual, which is good, but I am getting horrendously fat and that is really really bad. And I can't run this wednesday! Sobs. I shall run on mon or thurs to make up for it.

Heats for electone competition is in APRIL. It is MARCH now. Is this madness or is this madness. The piece hasn't even been written completely yet! Don't even talk about playing. Oh man. I'm so gonna embarrass myself and my tchr. We were supposed to do the piece for NEXT YEAR's comp! OH NO.

And I'll be working on monday and tuesday with 2 fellow temps and an otherwise, completely empty office! How wonderful (-ly sad)! Sheeeeeesh.

I wanna shop! Anybody has good blogshops to recommend so I can shop in comfort at home on my com? I'm lazy but whatever. HEH. I wanna buy cargo pants! Good cutting, lightweight ones! Where!!

2009-02-22T23:04:00.004+08:00

I didnt have anything to write about a while ago, but I felt like writing so I went to look for smth to write about. As I was looking through stuff, I rmbed that I would be going down to Taman Jurong CC tmr evening to visit the organisers who sent us down as "Sg ambassadors" to the World expo in Aichi, Japan in 2005. It has been quite some time back and I didn't want to go down and have nth to talk abt, with regards to the trip that I have been really privileged to have been sent to, so I rumaged my precious box for anything that would jolt some memories. I managed to find my notebook and a photo album, and they were good enough.

I realise I used to be a lot more observant than I am right now. Other than jotting down things like I enjoyed painting the scultures, or I had fun interacting with the Japanese students, I actually wrote things like, 'prepared blue tarps for painting - good planning' or 'invited artists to share ideas and opinions - creative thinking'. I think I've kinda lost the knack for planning and organising events alrdy. I don't think I watch these details as much, or even at all these days. =S

Another thing in my reflections in the notebook struck me, and come to think of it, it might have been part of the reason why I eventually was selected to be a disco exco. I always rmb myself as one with very little confidence in my abilities and in particular, my creativity, back in secondary school. But I saw myself writing things like 'maximise yourself in whatever you do' and 'be creative, be original, challenge yourself' and 'be forthcoming' and 'be proud of what you do'. And I wrote those phrases a few times on different days. Loooking at the handwriting, I probably was scribbling those down as someone was talking abt them, which proably means that those phrases were the ones that stood out and spoke to me very strongly. And I suddenly realise that back then, even though I knew my weaknesses, I kept trying and putting in a lot of effort to overcome them. Perhaps that is why I made the Exco interview even though I thought I was making it very clear that I didn't want to be successful in the interview. =X But of course I've never regretted Disco even till this day. But thats not the point. The point is, I've become a lot weaker over the past few years!! I no longer challenge myself to such a point and I no longer have the drive to do so. I used to wonder why I could wake up to study for an hr and then go back to sleep for 30mins and continue this cycle through the entire night, just to finish mugging bio or geog properly, back in rv, but not be able to do that ever since I got into hc. Well now I know. Sheesh. It makes me all the more convinced that if I qualify for a double degree (and I really am hoping that I do =S), I would go with my passion and do econs and accountancy although there are like 44 modules to take in total. =X

Okay I think I'm crazy. But I've been thinking about life a lot lately. I used to have a sole purpose in life - to spread and be a testimony to God's love and kingdom. But I've been kinda dry and down as of late. Perhaps its time to challenge myself the way I used to, to pick myself up and do the things I know I am on Earth for. To stop induging in my own emotions and do my part in this play, where all life's a stage, for an audience of One.

2009-02-18T23:44:00.002+08:00

Work today was boring as usual.

BUT

Today's Wednesday and Wednesdays rock. We went to Gombak for our regular weekly runs and did 4.8km this time. It's 0.4km lesser than last week's but our pace was sustained throughout unlike last week's. I think we're all improving lots! And we did caterpillar while xj went crazy at our last round. And applause for ch for doing 12 rounds with us! =D

It was good exercise and amazingly, a very good mid-week break. We went for dinner/supper after that and I think I have probably gained back all the fats I lost running. Lols. But whatever, I really enjoy time with squadmates!

I still cannot type properly and its so annoying! I can type perfectly well with 2 fingers on each hand but that isn't the proper way of typing and I've been trying to hone my skills ever since I started work. Unfortunately, I'm not making much progress. Maybe I should just stick with using 4 fingers. =X

2009-02-16T23:11:00.004+08:00

You still have me under your thumb and it sucks. I wonder why I even tried. What was I trying to prove? That I'm strong enough? That things will be all nice and sweet the way you described it to be? You prob won't even know I'm mad at you. Maybe I'm being anal. But whatever. Sheesh. I will not be affected by you.

Oh whatever.

I'm very excited about salsa and taiwan! Haha.. Really hoping we'll get to do both!

2009-02-16T21:38:00.002+08:00

I was SO tired and SO unproductive at work today. I must sleep early tonight. But eh actually I doubt I will. Sheesh. I amazingly don't feel tired at night but I really cannot keep awake from 2.30 to 4 every afternoon. I shall make sure I don't take uni modules that start around that time in the day in future. =X

I'm getting really excited about salsa. I hope we do join some class soon! hehs. Hopefully la huh.

Alright my dad's back with shampoo so I can finally go shower. Yays.

2009-02-15T14:42:00.002+08:00

Since I'm waiting for cat and the rest to come over for mahjong, let me blog a little about yesterday's events. I really enjoyed myself. =D

Morning was the ntu talk and after listening to what they have to say about nanyang business school, I now have a much much better impression of it. Nonetheless, it'll still be my last choice, mainly because of distance and school environment. I am seriously considering taking business and accountancy now though. It seems accountancy isn't what I thought it to be. Its not just numbers. There's a lot more and it might very well be more suitable for me than econs. I still like econs though. But of course, I need to qualify for a double degree in the first place. =X

Dinner at botak jones with 2a was good! Even though it wasn't air-conditioned. Haha.. After which we spent a lot of time trying to figure out what else to do. Headed down to taka's basement for Venezia in the end and ended up hanging around at the benches. The amazing things we do. We should really just find some air-conditioned place next time because all we love and end up doing after out meals is to stone and talk. Don't get me wrong, its always a great time of catching up and entertainment. Its what we do. =P Some of us went back after that while the rest of us finally headed down to macs at I've forgotten where, because the cafes were pretty muched packed still. The macs there have weird things! Like shaka-shaka chicken, which really just is Mc chicken's chicken patties and chilli powder.

Anyways, I enjoyed myself! I enjoyed Valentine's day, amazingly. Haha.. Oh and thanks bernard for the pretty roses we got, and marcus for the Venezia! And thanks to Eileen How (Kuai Le =P) for the encouragement in the morning. Its really the little things that keep me going. Even things as simple as taking care not to talk abt the past. Hehh. Thanks to all the people for the wonderful time yesterday! Yays! =))

OH and thanks to xy for the handmade card I just received and Eileen Oh and Alvina for the chocs. =)))))

Okay mahjong time. =D

2009-02-13T23:56:00.002+08:00

Let me tell you about the FUN stuff I've been up to during the week.

Wednesday
I woke up at 5am and had the runs for more than half the day. Jm got it worse - she woke up at 3am. Cm got it so bad she didn't come for work. I am BOYCOTTING that horrible stall.
But anyway, I still went to jog with yini and xj and ch at 7pm at bukit batok. I was considering not going but I'm really glad I went eventually. We did 5.2km and dragged ch 10rounds around the track. And ch is very entertaining. =P One day we should really do caterpillar! We did the run with beat thing that we used to do in np and I suspect the other people around us thought we were a little crazy, but whoever cares, we had fun! At this rate, we can go run at pandan soon! We went for supper after that and bong joined us. Eric called from camp too!
I love my squadmates. =)

Friday
I escaped from office at 6.30pm, just before my colleague could make a friendly request for me to post the office letters at the post office in town. Went to city hall to meet geraldine for dinner and while waiting for her to arrive, laid eyes on a really pretty ring that was much too overpriced. I am not entirely convinced that I shouldn't get it but I think I should give up on that idea soon. Been spending a lot recently. =X But its so pretty! =(
We went for drinks at Loof after dinner and got nice, big, cushioned seats. Sadly though, the drinks didn't meet expectations. But we had a nice time and I liked both our dresses! Haha..

Tomorrow! Is VALENTINE's DAY.
And tmr is gonna be a busy day! I need to wake up at like 6 so I have an hour to do my electone work. My parents would prob be up around 7 and then we'll go for breakfast. After which, I'm meeting ch and the rest at 10 to go for the ntu talks that I've finally convinced my lazy self to go for. There's electone lesson at 4.15 and then dinner with the 2a people at 5.30! YAYS. I just want to be out lor. Its a good thing I'm working, else I don't see how I'm going to be able to finance my new habits. =X

Alrightt. I don't have much time to sleep alrdy. But oh dear, there's a lizard in the room. HOW! Rahhs. Geraldine's cat would be useful. Heh.

2009-02-09T22:03:00.002+08:00

I'm so moody and restless today. =(

Totally didn't have mood for work today and I think my colleague actually realised that. But its a monday, I slept late and still not well last night, I'm annoyed over some matter, and I didn't even have a com to play with at lunch! I was stoning and fiddling with my phone cos I don't have a table OR a com to myself even though I have been in office for 2 months and counting. Sheeeeeesh.

Anybody up for dinner and maybe drinks on sat? So sad to have nth to do on v day!

2009-02-08T18:35:00.007+08:00

Its all yr fault. Too bad! Hmph.

_______________________________________________________________

I really like this song.

2009-02-07T01:45:00.002+08:00

I am very upset. Why? Because
1) My interview candidate left w/o filling her forms and I hate not doing my job well
2) It has been exactly a month since 6th jan
3) My phone switched itself off so I didn't know my parents were getting to me at past midnight
4) I am getting fatter
5) There is tuition tmr
6) I hate A levels
7) I am very very cold
There's so much to say but I suddenly don't feel like writing about any of it. I am cold and tired and very moody. I keep thinking about how short our relationship actually was. I realise half of was problematic.
Thanks geraldine for yr bear. It has been really helpful of late. Heh.
I want to fall into a deep slumber with my bear and not wake up. Its too small to eat me anyway.
Let time come to a stand still now.

2009-02-03T22:41:00.003+08:00

I want a new blog skin! But I cannot find anything that I like. I think I'll take the sheep one. its kinda cute. Hehh. I get bored easily. Oh Well.

I don't want to work. I want to sleep. and read. and sleep some more. I want an entire day to sleep.

OOOO Look at THIS!!!

SO PRETTY!!! =D

2009-02-02T22:25:00.005+08:00

I need exercise! Goodness. Went rock-climbing at Yishun Safra on Sat with BB/GB/FA/TTB. I only climbed the wall ONCE and I didn't even make it to the top. But guess what, I'm already aching real bad. I seriously need to start working out soon. Thankfully there's our first sundown training on wed at gombak at like, eh, 8pm! Hahaa.. I'm quite excited about it. I'm quite excited about the race actually. Hehh. Tomorrow I shall go jog in the evening instead of going to town to waste more money.

I just borrowed my bro's organisational behaviour text! Sounds kinda crazy but I'm feeling the heat even before results are out. I want to enjoy what I study in uni. But I know that isn't possible if I have to rush while I'm studying. Also, I take quite a while to appreciate theory. I wanna know what I'm going into in uni, wanna make sure JC doesn't repeat itself. And besides, its been a long time since I last read books! My EL has deproved tremendously so hopefully this helps. YEA.

I sound like I know a lot, but trust me, I don't. I know nuts. HAHA.

Alright. Off to bed. Nights!

2009-01-28T23:09:00.002+08:00

It has been a really boring cny. Didn't visit many houses and had to go back to work today when I slept at like 3am after a midnight movie. Also, work was incredibly boring today. I was updating pm2s like the entire day yet I think I've only managed to clear bout a quarter of the mountain of application forms.

Darn my sis is annoying. Its so freaking cold and she still wants the fan. Waste money, waste electricity, pollute the environment and make me fall sick. Darn.

I realise I cannot have nothing to do. I cannot have time for nothing at home. I'll drive myself nuts. A few hours at home and my thoughts were all over the place alrdy. lol. But i'm tired today. Time to sleeeeeeep.

Oh and I signed up for sundown alrdy! Yay! Friday meeting yini and xj too discuss our training plans. Hehhh. More things to do before I go back to school! =)))

2009-01-24T23:12:00.003+08:00

I'm finally feeling a little tired of running around and having lotsa activities back to back. haha.. I was on the bus for like only 5 mins today and I was already asleep and I almost couldn't get up when I reached my stop.

Went out with 6J yesterday. Clarke quay. And then walked home with Jiehao from there. Took about an hour but the weather was nice and I wasn't feeling like going home so it came quite timely actually. Got home about 1+ and crashed at 2. Woke up bout 8 today cos 2a'04 was supposed to meet at woodlands at 9.30 so we could go visit huang lao shi before 11. I was late but still the earliest. >< the sleep I forgone!

But anyway, we arrived at her place at about 12+ and hanged around till bout 3, went for food and then I left for reunion dinner at my grandma's place. Its really nice being around them, listening to them talk and just enjoying their company.

But a little of today's conversation reminded me of the past. We were talking about how it seems break ups these days happen because of really minor issues. It seems no matter how close a relationship 2 people can have, its still really fragile. Anything can happen. How do you ever find enough courage to allow yourself to fall in love, unconditionally then? There is so much uncertainty, so much fear and pain you're opening yourself up to.

I think I'm moving on well.. Occasionally, I find myself looking at his fb account just so. I still can't bring myself to think of what used to be, but I guess, eventually it'll all go away?

These days I wonder what I'm actually doing. Lol. Kinda lost heart for the many things I used to be on fire for, things that matter, things that help me build treasures in heaven. I don't know if I'll ever live up to the expectations people have of me.

2009-01-22T23:25:00.003+08:00

I'm bored! I wanna sleep but I feel like going out, like now and just hang around with people. It's 11.25pm. Haha.. I'm not very sane anymore. Tmr night will be more fun! Will be at clarke quay with the 6J people. I hope the turnout's good.. Actually I'm kinda suprised we made it this far, considering what our class was like at the beginning. We even managed to visit Hainan tgt, even if it was just a handful of us. It'll be good to see them tmr!

Going sundown marathon with yini and xj! Only the 10km one la. But it's exciting! Haha.. We have yet to come up with our training schedule, but it feels good just knowing that I have a race to train for. Gives me motivation to get back into shape. I don't think I can even do 4km now. Oh well. And maybe, maybe we can go for the stand chart half marathon end of the yr! I really wanna do that one again. Hehh..

Alright. Hopefully I won't have tuition tmr. Kinda sian. Oh welllllll.

2009-01-15T15:00:00.003+08:00

I'm sick! But much better as compared to yesterday, all thanks to panadol and like 15 hrs of sleep straight. No work today either! Maybe falling sick isn't that bad.

I'm kinda really bored with work but I guess I'm getting pretty accustomed to it. I'm more bored with tuition than with work, even though the money is easier. I'm definitely not taking on any students after this one. Its a pain! And to think I'm working in MOE's recruitment unit. On the other hand, I guess it's nice to know I'm actually needed in office, now that its their peak period and given MOE's heavy marketing as of late.

On a lighter note, I got my leggings! But they're not ribbed and they're not exactly the colour I want. I think I'll look like a clown in them. Hehh.. We'll see when I'm daring enough to wear them.

2009-01-11T22:19:00.002+08:00

I want ribbed leggings this colour!! Okay not quite the right one.Its the deep but bright red nail polish kinda colour and I don't think I'll EVER get it. Whinesss..

I finally got my dresses today, and you would never imagine where they came from - Good ole chinatown! Hehh.. To think they had what I couldn't find anywhere else in Singapore. Or maybe I'm becoming auntie. Hahaha.. I highly doubt so. I like the floral prints! Really pretty.. =D

There's a lot more shopping to do. I think I'll spend all of my first pay. Goodness. I'm gonna save like 3/4 of my next pay. =X I want a navy blue cotten top, black pants and a huge bag! But I shall refrain from buying more shoes.

And I wanna spend on the insides too, you know. Haha.. Was looking with huiyi just now and there are really a lot we would love having, but they can actually cost as much as an evening gown. Madness, but we're still intending to get at least a piece. Maybe a slightly cheaper one huh.

What's the only benefit of working? Money to spend.

2009-01-09T00:09:00.002+08:00

It'll go away. It'll all go away. One day my memory will fail me and I'll forget. Or maybe I'll remember but remember it all with a smile. Actually I don't want to forget. Let it remain pleasant memories. It should be the right decision. He's never wrong.

I was fine that evening, amazingly. And all I want is to rmb how that evening felt. This nostalgic moment will pass and it'll all be okay again. I know I always have a good friend.

I have tried my very best. I give up, not gladly, but not grudgingly anymore either. Perhaps its enough to know that I've fought hard, even if i I've still lost. Now I can let go.

Yay. =)

2009-01-06T00:55:00.002+08:00

Trust is weakness. It is the most stupid thing to do.

Is this all?

2008-12-20T22:02:00.002+08:00

I'm in a very inspired kind of mood but I realise that I don't have much to write. Perhaps because there isn't much of a point writing in here. There isn't much of a point in writing at all. But oh well. Here goes.

I woke up today feeling kinda lazy. I went to the bank to get my atm card and as I was in the queue I remembered I was supposed to get the christmas deco door gifts from caitlyn at 11.30 and it was already 11. lol. Thank goodness the whole application process was pretty fast. So I was happily home after that when I realised to my horror that my account book was missing. So I went back to the bookshop i visited on my way back home and scoured the shelves for my pass book but had no luck. I gave up, went to church and was really pretty frustrated when an additional something else cropped up. But I've only just remembered that the first one I turned to was not God but my friends. That is how much faith I've lost. But as the evening went by, I kinda found myself thinking that for all the guilt I carry with me, God will still walk with me. I don't know if the Lord was speaking to me, or if it was just me. But I do know one thing, and that is my Lord is the one true Lord who loves more than anyone else can. He is glory, power, mercy, faithfulness and everything good.

If there is one thing I'm supposed to pick up after so many events we've done, it's probably to give up control. Sometimes, you don't have to plan for everything. Sometimes, you don't have to have absolute control of everything. Perfection is how you define it to be. Sometimes, just letting things be and trusting that God is in control is enough. Things will be fine.

Maybe that's how it should be. Maybe it doesn't matter that I see no progress. Maybe God is already doing His work in him.

So I can do what I know I have been called to do. I just need some time to get rid of the impatience and harshness I've developed over the past 2yrs..

2008-12-16T21:50:00.003+08:00

I'M GOING TO WRITE IN UPPER CASE BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT I HAVE BEEN DOING IN OFFICE SINCE MORNING. TYPE IN STUFF In UPPER CASE. IT IS SO REPEITITIVE THEY SHOULD GET A ROBOT TO DO IT. MAYBE JAPAN TECHNOLOGY HAS REALLY COME IN HANDY. BUT IT IS VERY TIME CONSUMING AND TEDIOUS. BUT NO THINKING INVOLVED. JUST TYPING AND SORTING. I THINK MY BRAINS ARE ROTTING. HAHAHA. MY DAY SEEMS TO START AT 5.30PM WHEN I LEAVE THE OFFICE. THEN I FEEL ALIVE. ESPECIALLY IF THERE IS STUFF TO ATTEND. LIKE OUTING TMR! =D NOW I KNOW WHY SOMEONE CAN BE OUT ALL THE TIME. ITS SO ADDICITIVE. AND KNOWING THAT YOU NOW HAVE MORE MONEY TO SPEND MAKES IT ALL THE BETTER. HAHAHA.

I AM FAT. I NEED TO EXERCISE. I CAN SEE FATS SPILLING OUT OF ALL THE WRONG PLACES. OH NOOO.

COME BACK SOON!

2008-12-14T00:03:00.002+08:00

I'm employed! Working as a temp clerk at moe hq. I was quite excited when the agency called me but I didn't expect to start work so soon. Wanted to enjoy my dec holidays. Its kinda busy now. There's work from 8.30 to 5.30. I have tutition twice a week and electone on tuesday evenings. There goes 3 out of 5 of my weekday evenings. Haha.. But I kinda like the busy-ness of it all. I think I miss that. I don't like to be busy studying but I don't mind being busy with activities. Feels like when I was back in rv. I deliberately took on much less in JC because I was kinda tired with the endless activities back in rv. But I find myself wasting a lot of time eventually cos I had too much to spare. Busy-ness is better. A little tiring some times but the experiences are worth it. Yea. And I don't think rubbish. HAHAHA. I am incapable of thinking deep. I think only rubbish if I have too much time. And I give up trying to write properly. I think I have forgotten how to write complex but fluent and captivating sentences. Oh you can see that I'm bored. I AM. ><

2008-12-02T13:53:00.002+08:00

I'm so bored. ><
Yesterday I thought, yay finally I get to stay at home and rest. But only half the day has passed and I'm dying from boredom already. sheesh..

I'm too bored to blog. hahaha..

randommmmm

2008-11-29T23:21:00.004+08:00

I am pissed!! Like very very pissed! And I cannot say it. What is this!! ARGH. I am very short of patience today. Maybe its because I am very very tired, with the stay over and the rushing around and the roller blading. Cannot think straight. Cannot decide if I'm angry cos I'm grumpy or because it is smth that I should be angry about.

I better go sleep soon. Cos I think I need all the patience I can summon tmr.

sdfjnsdiofjsdkfcmsdc'sdfjlsf

ikjfil jwelkdmalkdmdnjuf[afoijrwklfmldf;kdsm

So angry. =( And I'm starting to think wrong things again. arghhhhh.

Talk. We must talk.

Everything happens for a reason. Now I have more resolve to do what I was afraid to. And I will.

2008-11-26T20:56:00.002+08:00

I've covered 1/6th of my excel guide book! Does that count as knowing basic excel? =)))))) I sure forget what I cover one lor. >< Tomorrow there's job interview! For which company I don't even know.... Oh well. I doubt I'll get the job. The pay's too high for an unexperienced employee! Even I know the rates. Sheesh..

I have a big problem keeping track of my schedule. Maybe that was why I used to keep a planner of sorts.. Let's see.

Thursday
Interview
Pool
Electone

Friday
Shopping
Honours night
Stayover

Saturday
Breakfast
Roller blading event

Sunday
Church

Monday
Tuition

Tuesday

Wednesday
Bro's Birthday

Thursday

Friday
Prom

What do I need to settle?
Msg pple bout event
Excel!
Electone - which I have daoed for a couple of days. ><
Prom stuff
Find a job
SHOP

What else do I wanna do?
Learn taekwondo!
Find/make an interesting gift
Christmas card shopping!
Own that dumb guy who wiped out my tw troops

Eeyer. I cannot think of gift ides tomorrow.. No time.. =C I feel like shopping after electone tomorrow. Haha.. Maybe I will! Since I'll be at clementi.. Hmm.. Nah. I'll come home and look for origami stuff online!

I am retarded. hahaa.. I SHALL LOOK FOR ORIGAMI STUFF NOWWWWW.

cheer ups!!

2008-11-25T01:31:00.003+08:00

I have a very bad habit of blogging when I'm not supposed to and not blogging when I should. Cannot help it. Life after A's has been really good. It feels like the exams ended more than a month ago, yet it has merely been a week or so. Ahh.. Shuang-ness.

Holidays are exciting. And no, no idiot's spoiling anything. LOL. I can't believe I'm saying this. But my impression of this one is never going to change. No more excuses. For this special case, it's guilty until proven innocent.

I've got lots to do! Lots that I want to do. That makes a whole lot of difference. Haha.. Lotsa people to catch up with too!

Alright! Till then! =D

2008-11-02T22:18:00.002+08:00

I'm in a really good mood. Really scared and really excited. I wonder how I'm gonna sleep tonight. hahaha.. Oh my kill me. I've gone crazy. Tmr we'll be one day closer to the end of A's!!! Tmr I will be over and done with the paper - not the subject, I detest the most.

Yayness to that. =P

2008-11-02T14:51:00.003+08:00

I woke up a while ago and told myself I have to attempt at least an essay today. Now I find myself in front of the computer with absolutely no intention of doing a single piece of writing. I think I'm digging my own grave. I don't even remember the last time I wrote. Oh I do. It was prelims. That was more than a month ago. I cannot bring myself to start writing though.. So I've decided on an easier way out - blogging. I really think I'm laying out my own 'green mile'.

Goodness.

I had better get started on a comprehension, just to get used to writing again..

It's difficult to describe what's going through my head right now. On one hand, I think I'm not that worried because I've been through the O levels and so this isn't anything new. On the other hand, I feel unnervingly a lot less confident for the A's than the O's. Its like, before you attempt an O lvl science paper, you are already aware that there is a very high chance of doing well (almost guaranteed in fact), given your consistency and past results. Not so for the A's. Every paper feels like an SS/Hist paper we did in O lvls. No guarantee of a good grade and no past results to prove that you more or less have what it takes to do well in the A's. Nonetheless, I don't think I feel that anxious about any of the papers as yet. I am very worried, but I think things will only hit me when I receive my grading slip. It always takes me a while to wholly understand and appreciate - or rather, recoil from, the impact of something so great.

Yet here I am, taking an easy way out. Sheesh.

Its more than an exam. Its expectations and dreams, as cliche as it may seem.

2008-11-01T09:00:00.002+08:00

*yawns* What a cool, lazy morning.. haha.. I set my alarm to wake me up at 6.30 but I conveniently switched it off, my sub-conscious mind somehow aware of the fact that I went to bed close to 1am last night. That leaves me with just tonight and tomorrow to adjust my sleeping patterns so I don't wake up a zombie on Monday.

But that has effectively ruined my plans for the day. I don't have time to finish a math paper before I make my way to lakeside for more studying as usual. Maybe I'll swop. Do the physics paper first, then the math paper at lake side. I need to memorise my physics definitions! I hate memorising things. I don't mind learnign concepts and applying stuff but I detest memory work. One of the reasons why I refused to take biology. lol.

Word challenge is addictive. Very addicitve in fact. I have yet to play it for today but I think I better not or I might not even time to finish a physics paper before I leave my house.

Lotsa expectations. haha.. Guess they mostly come from myself. Oh well.. Deal with it. The game's only starting. If only it were simply a game without actual consequences though. But that would make any form of success insignificant as well. Haha..

Alrightt. Back to work.

My smithy's next upgrade level is 10hours!!!! ><

2008-10-28T00:36:00.003+08:00

I'm bored. I never manage to get any work done once I get home. =(

Tomorrow. I'm gonna wake up at 7.30. Wash up and eat by 8, finish the newspapers by 8.45, read econs essays by 10, get out of the house by 10.30, get to mac by 11.30 and start on math and more econs. Mad rush. I'm never gonna make it. Hahaha.. I think I will end up reading less than 5 essays, skim through the newspapers really quickly and spend the extra time lazing around. heh.

I feel more pressurized to study now. Thats good. Maybe, maybe I do work better under pressure. Else I'll just slack. heh.

2008-10-26T18:33:00.002+08:00

I'm bored bored bored. I realise I can study physics in one day. How much goes in and how many questions I can actually complete is a different story. hahaa..

Dieting is stupid. Whoever came up with it is dumb man. Its for lazy people! hahaa.. Nobody should go on a diet. Everybody should just eat healthily and exercise regularly!

I am spouting nonsense. Oh man. I have 3 more physics booklets to look through.

I am so not going to spend a week in Vietnam in the holidays. I'd rather go to China. Or better, give me the money to go shopping.

How mann..

2008-10-25T23:43:00.003+08:00

We had our second event today! I guess it wasn't as good as the first one despite the fact that there was, in my opinion, a lot more planning this time. Things weren't that disorganised. Nonetheless, I do think we are on the right track and I guess, we'll continue improving. haha..

Kinda tired.. Finally booked disco chalet. No idea what the turnout would be like, but hopefully we have enough so we dun have to pay too much per person..

Let's see. I'm very behind schedule. Today's supposedly the 2nd day for phy revision but I've only covered the green booklet. Tmr is, by right the last day for phy. But it seems I'll have to spill over to monday. So its only 2 days for econs, not 3. And I need to find a way to squeeze in some math over the next 3 days. Intensive GP after that. Hm.

Not to mention the fact that I haven't been practicing my new, almost impossible piece. I wanna do this one right. I don't think I'll have a chance at going for a competition again. haha..

Alright. Time to sleep. Lots to cover tmr. Till then. =)

2008-10-22T00:22:00.002+08:00

I'm going on a diet. There. I've said it. That'll give me a lot more resolve in carrying out my plans (hopefully). haha..

I cut my hair. But it barely looks any different.

I am bored.

I studied NOTHING today. congratulations to myself.

People are calling up to ask about our prelim paper. And I'm always not studying when they call. Makes me kinda guilty for not studying. But I really don't feel like doing it.. sheesh.. This is bad.

Haix. Lost momentum.

2008-10-19T22:51:00.002+08:00

don't ask why i'm making my 2nd post of the day, i just have to! haha.. with the pen and paper - well maybe just the paper, gone, this is my only other writing space.

i really missed that! i re-read it again and again and again. its all i ever wanted to hear. ends the day really nicely.. hahah..

in order to make sure i get my lazy butt out of bed tmr and exercise i booked my mum! so its 6.30am tmr morning. kinda early.. ><

a bit more work tonight and i'll be off to bed..

2008-10-19T18:48:00.002+08:00

i need to exercise desperately! i've been at kfc almost every other day and the food i eat elsewhere, if i were to be found elsewhere, isn't all that healthy either. this is very very bad! i will go jogging tmr morning. yes i shall. getting fat! no, alrdy fat! ><

all the metal chairs at home are falling apart. metal you know! hahaha..

i wanna drive.....

studying is boringggggg.... oh mann....

2008-10-17T23:25:00.003+08:00

told you i would have my own happy story to tell one day. haha..

no matter how things turn out, at least this time, i would have no regrets. and i shall rmb that. i know things are different. i can feel it. but i have to try. i can't take it just like that. and everything i do from now on, i must make sure i have no regrets. must think long term! i might v well not have a third chance at it.

okay. so thats it alrdy. haha.. maybe tmr i will finally be able to get down to serious mugging. i think i will. =P

2008-10-17T15:28:00.002+08:00

i like my shower. haha.. feels like rain. i think the only time i played in the rain was in sec2. when sqdmates and i were making our way out of sentosa after the unit hike. we were in the green ponchos that made us look like elves but didn't offer much shelter, partly because the rain was really heavy. vivien was sick. we stopped midway so she could take her medicine. okay so that wasn't exactly playing in the rain. but it left a lot of memories. haha..

one day i'll have my own happy story to tell. you'll see.

2008-10-16T23:52:00.002+08:00

i want to play, only because i don't want to study. but once A's are over, i don't really know what i want to do. work? shop? taekwondo? electone? what?? so unsatisfied. so much discontentment. guess it takes time. can feel myself slowly going back to square one again.. nono. cannot. took great pains to leave that behind.. or at least i thought i did leave it behind. now i'm starting to think twice. thats the problem you know. sometimes you should just stop thinking about things so much. but if you do that then nth has meaning anymore. i'm speaking abstract rubbish even myself doesn't understand so dun bother trying to make sense out of it. just trying to string together a random, long, seeemingly complex sentence. =) i'm so full of rubbish these days..... ><
i wanna talk! talk to me! i'm waiting for, i dunno what!

okay bottom line. i am very Very VEry VERy VERY restless today. =(

2008-10-16T00:44:00.004+08:00

this is taking its toll.. feel so detached. dun understand what i'm thinking. i feel a separation btw who i really am and who i appear to be. only its not like intentional. it just somehow.. happens.. dunno whether this is good or bad. part of me seems to be screaming something in the back of my head which i cannot put a finger on. guess i'll only get my answer in a few days.. or maybe never. until something triggers something in my head i guess. then i'll understand, and probably emo it all over again.

i'm sensing all the wrong signals. alarm bells ringing like anything. only i don't exactly know how to stop it. i just hope it doesn't end up like the previous case. its... not good.. maybe i'm overreacting.

i've done NO studying today. and it seems like thats gonna be the case for tmr as well. goodness gracious. (no not the campaign)

2008-10-14T15:23:00.000+08:00

whine whine whine.. =( =( =(

sleep.

2008-10-12T23:13:00.002+08:00

today made me think a lot.. like what i fear most. which i suppose is man. which is kinda stupid considering how i wanna (hopefully) go the management track. never realised what an irony it was.

why do people want to portray a sense of hostility and aloofness? is it really that important to stay guarded? wouldn't the world be a better place if we could all extend love and warmth even to the strangers on the streets? lol. i realise what a stupid question that is to make. its picture perfect and much too idealistic for a world like ours.

and then certain happenings made me wonder what it is that makes a true leader. is being vocal a must in the equation? must one always have things to say, be it serious points or light humor? must one be able to effortlessly and willingly sustain light conversations that don't really matter at all? as of now it seems to me like something one must have in order to have his potential recognised, although its obvious that that alone cannot sustain any leader. but if there's no beginning then there's no talk about any process is there?

and the idea of studying being a game. like hey, if you finish that set of notes you level up! so if you can sit in front of the com and wait for your tribalwars building lvls to increase then surely you can sit down and finish your notes so you lvl up for a more practical and realistic purpose!

life is a train track. you're the driver. where you want to steer yr train towards is your business. in the end everyone's road will be different. sometimes you lose sight of where you're heading towards and you move in a different direction. sometimes the other trains try to push you back on track. but the train is still yours to control. it is you who ultimately who decides what your road will look like.

if you know you can do it, why short change yourself? why let people think you aren't capable of achieving?

the man was deciding whether to give the big or small ham to his guest. the tempter said 'small, small, SMALL!' the man took the largest ham in his storehouse and gave it away. the tempter said ' fool, fool, FOOL!' the man said, "if you don't shut up i'll give away everything in my storehouse." i like this one a lot. i like the attitude. i like the rebellion that is for a good cause. lol.

i've said this before but i've never taken much action on it. communicating my feelings has always been a subject of great challenge and mystery to me. but i guess i'll learn to do it better.

2008-10-12T01:40:00.002+08:00

i am better.. much better.. time heals. God loves. friends love. God held up the rain for me today. it stopped drizzling after a while. God has given me lotsa friends to bring me through. and God gave me an experience i would never forget.

i really really am very appreciative for the people who have really helped me though.. thanks for keeping checks on me. thanks for listening to all my nonsense. lol..

i will be better.

2008-10-11T01:36:00.002+08:00

today's grad day. and i realised today's like last day of school. i always thought last day of school was the 17th or something, according to post prelims schedule.. lol..

i realise people listen to me. like they really believe what i say. i wish i would believe what i say. haha.. most of the time i don't take my own advice.

darn my foot's cramping again. been happening pretty often lately. rah. it had better not cramp when i'm asleep.

okay back to what i was saying. i think i make gd opinions only when i'm not involved in the situation. i make stupid decisions when i am. which doesn't say much. lol. i'm getting really shallow. whats happening to my brain and all the yrs of experience collected! sheeshh..

okay i'm sick of listening to my senseless rambling. good bye.

2008-10-08T22:00:00.002+08:00

my eyes are gonna pop out of their sockets. i shouldn't have gotten one year's supply of contacts just a few months ago cos i'm pretty sure my degree is going up again drastically again by the end of the year.

i've as good as slacked my entire day away. smth is very wrong here. i have no sense of urgency, or worry or anything. i tell myself life after a's will be better cos you get to do what you want in uni. but you never really do get to do what you want, do you? and you can't just do only the things you want to do. its as gd as self indulgence and it'll never happen. there are bound to be things you dun want to do. only, recently i realise that i speak like anna but i dun act like anna. i easily come up with calm and carefully considered responses to my problems, to tell me what i know i should be doing, but it seems like they're coming from a stranger. like we're not the same person. its an intriguing experience, albeit an unwelcomed one..

hai. i shall go to bed. maybe i'll wake up earlier to finish reivisng the political part of the sg snapshots notes. okay thats partially an excuse for slacking as well. lesser slacking? heh. falling into the abyss.. down down down.. like the stupid helical structure of an alpha helix protein chain...

2008-10-07T23:01:00.002+08:00

i like taking long walks at night on my own. no more hustle and bustle. just darkness enshrouding everything. nobody's looking and even if they do they can't see. i can be honest with myself. i face my fears, and acknowledge everything i am not. walked one station today.. one day i'll walk all the way home. just keep walking. haha..

i just have one qn.. thats all i have.. pls let me do this

2008-10-06T22:14:00.002+08:00

turn back time. i wanna turn back time. let it stop just there. could the world just stop moving. let me go back through it all once more. memories. that's all they have become. nothing but memories. nothing lasts. nothing in this world will ever last.

2008-10-05T18:29:00.002+08:00

i hate it when such things happen. and its the 3rd time this has happened this yr.. but i'll not respond the same way again. twice is enough. i've learnt my lesson. i will not be the same. only i need my pillar of strength.. and i guess i do know where to find it..

2008-10-01T00:44:00.001+08:00

The kind of flawless I wish I could be.

2008-09-28T22:32:00.002+08:00

i thought i'll be finally fine. this morning i convinced myself that i'm tired of fighting. i convinced myself to let things be. i thought yea, there's only one thing that lasts, and thats God's love. nothing else is as reliable, no one else can be more faithful. so i just need to change my perspective. i just need to change my priorities and hunger and fight for the right thing. then i saw the one-liner. and it was enough to break me all over again.

2008-09-27T00:19:00.002+08:00

so tired. i haven't been writing the pen and paper way for a few days alrdy. no time? not really.. eh. spent all my time having fun. hehh..

xy hy and ray came over today! we wanted to have a picnic downstairs to celebrate hy's bday actually but we decided home's still the best option, so they came to my place. we met early without hy to prepare the food. we had
2 cans of tuna
1 can of seafood spread
2 loaves of bread
1 (fill in the appropriate units) of lettuce
1 can of mushrooms
2 cans of corn soup
2 ears of corn
1 packet of cherry tomatoes
eggs
olive oil and vinegar
drinks
its 3 girls and 1 guy so obviously we had quite a bit of leftovers. But it was loads of fun. we didn't really cook anything, just steamed corn, warmed campbell soup and boiled eggs. took us bout 3 hours to get all the stuff done. then hy came at 7. and we had dinner. and talked a lot. and played monopoly! we couldn't finish the game and we wanted to 'save game' by taking a photo of the board and our property and stuff so we could set it up and continue from where we left off in future, but we decided against it in the end. haha.. too lame. so we gave hy our presents and made her change into the dress and put on the earrings and the effect was good! she looked good and she liked it and we were all very excited. haha.. and then we were talking bout staying over a xy's place. and xy said "we can all fit on the bed!" then ray spewed and spilled a lot of the water he was drinking on himself. it was HILARIOUS. couldn't stop laughing... hahaha.. and then it was alrdy 11+ so we decided that we should all be going soon. then we rmbed our 'proposal'. so we talked and we came up with our new shop/code name: XARH. it was this or RAHX. but XARH seemed better. haha.. and we decided on rings, hp charms and photoframes! aye exciting! haha..
our next meeting is on the 21st of november. the day after hy finishes her paper. and we've all alrdy decided what to wear. heh..
i think what hy said is very true. 'i never knew we would become such good friends.'

2008-09-26T00:14:00.001+08:00

aye sians. today's disappointing. my hearing sucks. its a really nice piece.. but there's so much of that piece to write.. i think hours just to do 3 lines.. ms sara sounds hopeful. but i know i have no talent.
and i've got no talent in econs either. haix. bt1 58, bt2 57, prelims 56. my percentile has been increasing though. but like ahh i'm just stuck here!! i've tried lotsa different studying, answering techniques but nth works! i'm forever a C or worse for econs. its v sian. why do i always do worse for the things i enjoy doing?
so tired. but what right do i have to complain. i haven't even been studying the past few days. you prob have it a lot worse than i do..
haix.

RAWRRRRRRRRRRRR

2008-09-23T18:05:00.002+08:00

Here's what I did today.
Read 3 Time magazines
Solved the best combi problem! yea! Spent like hours on it already. Tried a lot of stuff. In the end I realised its the zero sum mixed strategy probem we learnt about in game theory. Very excited! Worked it all out. Then I realise there was a very big flaw. And in the very very end, we realised there wasn't even a problem at all because we should never be using the swords anyway so we don't actually need a combi. >< But still, I had a lot of fun! But it reminded me that uni work isn't easy.. But it also reminded me that I would enjoy what I hope to be studying in uni. Haha.. Okay this sounds stupid. HEY. Games aren't just brainless and stupefying. Everytime I rmb that word I cannot help but wanna laugh. haha..
I didn't do anything else today. Kinda slack huh. Oh! I played poker on fb. I won a bit. Lost quite a lot. But won overall. Then I decided that's enough for today. Okay, I just didn't wana to lose my winnings. haha.. I got a flush leh! then someone has to get one slightly bigger than mine. And i alrdy had a Jack and a 10. Obviously I went all in. And lost. >< But I won it back still! hehh..
Okay i'm incredibly bored today. But I realise I sound kinda chirpy. But I'm actually pretty restless at the moment.
I'm gonna watch movie later!! Free tix! =P But the movie's at 9. Tmr I'll wake up really tired again.. =(

2008-09-22T21:39:00.002+08:00

watched music and lyrics with some of the 2a pple today. niceee!! haha.. watch it.
then played poker. was in debt. =( must do dare. but its a secret! haha.. but i had fun. lotsa fun. good good. =P
now i'm a little hooked to poker.. haha.. go check out the fb one..

oh and gp update:
compre 18.5/50
essay 28.5/50
overall 47/100
okay so i still pass. if you consider an E a pass which i don't actually. but oh well.

i'm gonna mug thesaurus. can you believe it. i dun believe it myself.

how to find a mathematical way of finding a combination of the 2 factors C and D, such that the maximum of 2 quantities A and B, that depend on these 2 factors, is a maximum? i think v long le leh. i still can't think of anything..

2008-09-22T13:33:00.002+08:00

very sian. haha..
i want to bake. my oven died on xy and me. we went shopping on sat instead. i'm pleased with my purchases. but i want to bake still.. i need to. else my plans flop again. =(
i want more songs. but i solved the missing player wire problem alrdy cos my bro has an extra one. and taylor swift has good songs. i like.
i'm supposed to be reading time and newspapers now. but i feel like sleepingggg... and a few of the 2a/4a pple coming over to watch vcd. spontaneous. lol.
i wanna play ff. but i fell off a bridge and died cos i thought it was the movie part but apparently i'm supposed to move right. i told my bro and he laughed at me. then he said he made the same mistake too. stupid bro. but my safe point very far away! =(( play when i'm feeling elss lazy.
and i'm supposed to do my arrangement piece. but my hearing a bit suck ah. orchestra piece leh. i hear the same bar 10 times also dunno how to write la. so ma fun.
and i haven't exercise in months! supposed to go later. but i very lazy lehh.
my smithy needs 10K+ resources leh. sianssss. 3 lvls to go before i get my noble. then i'll go build my troops and slaughter the annoying guy who keeps scouting me.
i wanna sleep...

2008-09-18T23:44:00.007+08:00

Compre Grand Score:

18.5/50

A B C D E S U

Its hard to say what it feels like. Hmm.. I'm worried, yea, maybe. But I think I'm amused...

2008-09-18T23:44:00.003+08:00

i cling on to my faith. i know my God is real and i know my God is the only true God.

but i dun know how to trust. to let go and feel his peace and love and guidance. for the first time in my life, i find no comfort.

but i will never deny my God and His love for me. its got nothing to do with upbringing. its got nothing to do with brainwashing. i know He is God.

2008-09-17T23:32:00.002+08:00

i'm better off dead like this. it hurts too much. haha.. it doesn't matter. i feel dead as it is. no i'm not doing anything stupid. there's just too much emptiness. it is no longer my life i'm living. i'm doing all kinds of things i never found interesting. i dun know who i am.

the wounds never healed

2008-09-16T12:40:00.004+08:00

tmr's last paper. but i take it prelims end today. tmr's just paper 1. and phy is a lost cause so forget it. i've given up on them all. prelims end today i say. haha..

now i dunno what to do.. bake? electone? final fantasy? tribal wars? prison break? gossip girl? okay all. go bug my bro for FF now.

2008-09-15T22:55:00.002+08:00

i do agree that its probably pretty childish. but its still smth that i cannot get out of. maybe i'm just not trying to get out of it hard enough. cos honestly i dun want to. doing it means losing a lot more. i'm not sure if i'll be able to cope. but right now i know for sure that i can't. but its a stupid thing to think and a stupid thing to do. even the younger ones are coping better than i am. i tell myself that its because our emotional capacity is different. but i know its not true. its just a reflection of my childishness.

grow up and face the world.

2008-09-14T17:35:00.002+08:00

aye aye sick again! RAHH. i still have half of stats to study! and i never touch my pure math. and i going out now! lalala. yesterday so many liverpool fans so happy. haha.. zx come tell me. cl also say. today papers also got. i know nth bout soccer. but i think that liverpool reserve must have felt quite shuang. haha..

i dun want to study!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

but prelims ending. end le then how..

2008-09-14T00:46:00.003+08:00

spent half my day out with xy! the airport's really nice.. haha.. i wish we had made a trip there.. oh well. talked a lot. haha.. nice talking to xy. aye. felt better. like, just have lesser to care about once you're out. you dun forget everything. but you realise there's a lot more to think about and do. and guys and girls really think and act differently! lol. then we spammed ideas for a group THING. wacky but feasible stuff! wait till we get our group THING. proposal to be made to raynard and hy. as for now, its thinking of a 4-letter word that can be formed from f/w, a/q, x/y, h/y. must have at least one of each of our letters. and the only vowel we have is an a. so far, we've only thought of WAXY. haha..

2008-09-13T14:51:00.002+08:00

aye. no more baking. =(
and my tribalwars resources taking so long to come. =((
and hy not coming ltr. =(((

but we're going airport still. and xy is going! =))

2008-09-13T00:16:00.002+08:00

i've gone crazy. haha.. so jealous of you. you have so many. its no wonder one is insignificant. whats one to so many more. i want to scream at you but how could i. i dun want to scream at you. if ever i do i'll be screaming at myself first.
i'm so pissed w myself for all this crap. whats wrong w me. ><
i dun like this feeling. i mean it. i dun like it.
theres smth wrong w the perfect world of my creation. theres no one else in it.

haha.. i'm spouting nonsense again. RAH. i want to sleep. good night.

tmr we're baking! like finally. and going to the airport to pick vien and raynard. hey i've said this before. >< my mind is failing me. haha.. time to sleep.

2008-09-12T10:40:00.003+08:00

its phy paper ltr. i haven't studied the whole morning. i'm going to shop after phy paper. tmr we're baking and going to the airport to pick raynard and vivien. sunday its maf at my grandma's place after service and cell.

who says this is the weekend in the middle of prelims? lol

2008-09-12T00:23:00.003+08:00

i wonder why such things happen. it can't be just coincidence? is this a common problem? why are its effects so extreme then? why was i never aware of such then?

haha.. what am i doing.. i am cheating myself. i live in my own world. one thats perfect and safe. facing reality isn't that difficult, accepting it is.

eh. today i realise i'm still unprepared even after so long. ><

2008-09-10T22:06:00.003+08:00

was cheated. RAWR.

but i suppose knowing it was a lie is pretty much a relief too.

but still the lie didn't have to be made in the first place.

i think i'm quite dumb. cos like honestly, i was doubting the stories all the while. but i thought subject had no reason to lie, and to me of all people. gave the benefit of the doubt.

but i was CHEATED.

but nvm. haha.. forget it.. i'm glad its over. its better this way.

tmr phy!! how. i still have half to study. i want to sleeeeep!

sleep is one of the best things God gave. wahaha..

2008-09-09T14:19:00.002+08:00

i got attacked! but he lost a lot of his army and he plundered only 200+ of the 6K+ resources he scouted. awww.. i will make sure i take revenge. once i get my LCs.... haha..

hands itching. to play pool.

2008-09-08T20:23:00.002+08:00

problem after problem.. and none that can be solved. how man..

time is crawling. i dun really care that i dun have time to finish studying. i just want time to hurry pass. hurry get over all this.

haha.. i'm still at chapter 1. lol.

i can't help you if you won't help yourself. but if anything happens its my fault. but i dun even know what to do.

2008-09-07T22:26:00.004+08:00

i'm so sleepy. feels like i wun know what to write tmr. hai dun care alrdy.

my sms is gonna bao like anything. its a commitment bigger than what i realise it is. i just hope she will be fine.

i'm sick. haha.. i dun mind being sick. but i dun like the difficult breathing feeling. anything but that and throwing up and headaches and dizziness. okay maybe i dun like falling sick. lol.

hooked on tribal wars. build my noble and move to changlok's continent! and get a wifi phone soon so i can keep my village updated on the move.

and go play pool once prelims is over.

that bloody guy who did it to her can go and die.

2008-09-06T19:37:00.001+08:00

cos life's like that.

2008-09-06T18:45:00.002+08:00

i dun want to whine. i irritate myself tremendously when i find myself complaining like crap on this stupid blog. but i dunno what to do. i wanna just run away and do the things i wanna do. i feel so uneasy, so restless, so upset with everything. i know, perhaps whoever is looking on would think its a stupid situation to be stuck in, one that shouldn't even be so big a problem. but i can't get out of it. its a freaking black hole. i did complex no. just now and all i could think was tmd tmd tmd. i cannot focus. i'm disappointed with myself. i wish someone would erase my memory and bring me somewhere else. i wanna just forget everything and do anything i wanna do. my patience has run out. i sit here and i feel like screaming out to you but i've lost my voice. i hear nth. its like you're in another world. i've been imprisoned by myself. and i've lost the key. but it feels like the whole world's watching. and you gotta put up a show. its a glass bubble prison. it is horrible. i hate it when i can't meet expectations. i hate it when i fail to meet my own expectations. i'm acting like a childish shit. i feel so empty. i've never been like this. i dun want to whine. what right do i have. there are so many pple outside with problems bigger than mine. maybe mine isn't a problem at all. i need to go away. i need to do smth and stop thinking abt all this shit. i feel so uneasy. i feel like i'm cheating myself. conjuring up images that will never actualize, imagining scenes that will never be. i dun want to do anything. i have no motivation for anything at all.

2008-09-05T23:03:00.002+08:00

vivien messaged! from germany! using raynard's phone! so they've finally met each other. hahaha..

my grammar is turning for bad to worse. whatever happened to my english?

i believe the prelims are a lost cost. unless you've been a mugger since yr very J1 days or are super gifted like a few pple, they're a lost cause. why bother study for smth that won't even resemble the a level paper? it doesn't give you a good gauge of yr standing and doesn't prepare you for anything at all! shock pple? you think anyone would care if they know that the prelims are supposed to kill? pls waste my time.

i can't finish studying. and i'm not doing anything about it. haha.. maybe all that i said above is just to comfort myself. but i honestly think there is some truth in it. but oh well. prelim results dun matter to me anyway. as in, they aren't gonna be used for anything. so, not that big a problem.

i feel so irresponsible but i really dun want to care.

i went to read my old old blog. read what i wrote in sec 2. i said things like, 'i feel so weird its a weekend and i didn't study at all!' now i know why i fared pretty well in sec sch. wahaha..

RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

2008-09-04T18:27:00.003+08:00

requires so much just to keep you out of my head. feels like months have passed.

was curious bout geraldine's answers so now i have to do it too. haha..

1. Next to each number, write only the name of someone who fits.
2. Answer each question with one name
3. Don't tell the questions to anyone who isn't doing the meme

1. Victor
2. Hui Yi. 11yrs!
3. Vivien
4. Hui Yi! other than the bird that ended up in the toilet bowl....
5. Zhi Qin
6. Eileen (How). LOTS. lol
7. Choon Yen
8. Zhi Jun
9. Victor
10. Eileen (oh)
11. Xiang Yun
12. Chen Hian
13. Siew Ping. got special AURA
14. Yini. NS!
15. Eric (Wong)
16. Choon yen
17. me. lol
18. Jie Hao
19. Geraldine. VERY
20. Zhong Xian. random
21. no idea what this means
22. no idea what this means
23. Eric (Wong). yes sir!
24. Chang Lok
25. Bernard. charm. lol..
26. em, no one? hahaa..
27. Chang Lok
28. KAI TING
29. Victor
30. you guys make a really big part of my life. haha.. loved and treasured! =)

2008-09-02T18:41:00.003+08:00

head aches like crap.. sheesh.. so tired.. i wanna fall sick and just forget. no i dun want to fall sick. neither do i want to forget. this is crazy. its all a mess. i messed it all up again. big thanks to myself. i thought i saw the light. its an endless walkway. there is no light.

there has to be an end. there has to be light at the end.

i am damn stupid and childish. one day. one day i will figure this out. i'm really tired right now. so sick of guessing. so sick of it all.

2008-09-01T21:13:00.002+08:00

so angry. i wanna scream. can't stand it. can't stand all the talk. how do you survive all this? when you've tasted honey, who would go back to water? how do you even drink water anymore? it isn't tasteless. its distasteful. i dun understand. how it all came to this.

i feel so alone, so insignificant

2008-08-29T22:50:00.002+08:00

At 9pm today, i finally got down to muggin again. I've put it off for 2 whole days, not counting today. Well, that probably makes it 3 since I only started at 9 and I'm considering myself done for the day already. haha..

Dinner at IKEA yesterday with raynard huiyi and xiangyun. Been going there quite often recently.. And i always forget to bring a jacket to the horribly freezing place. Raynard's brother got the LKC scholarship at smu! wa jealous man. haha..

Alrightt. tired. off to bed.

2008-08-26T15:59:00.002+08:00

i was so upset i had to channel all my anger and frustration into something. but of course i thank all my friends who have been around for me one way or another. you know who you are..

i was so tempted to take a few other blogskins and just indulge in the emo-ness. then i suddenly got v irritated w all the emo-ness and so i decided to settle for this. its simple and boring but kinda funny. i haven't really read through that weird poem. but i left watever the designer added in the profile tagboard etc parts cos its super funny!

yeaaa.. so thats all.

2008-08-26T14:45:00.003+08:00

gp sucks! i was so frustrated, so angry doing the paper. i felt like cancelling everything and just leaving the qns blank. RAHHH

sian. sian. sian. darn. study physics. hai. grow up girl.

suddenly i dun really care bout prelims anymore. i dun think there will be a stark difference in this grades and that of block test 2. gp wun improve. econs duh wun improve. math wun. chem wun. physics maybe. no matter how much work no matter how much preparation done it'll still be the same. who am i cheating? its like a peak. this is the max i can go. i've exhausted whatever potential i had in me. suddenly the scholarships seem so distant.

2008-08-25T20:06:00.004+08:00

v distracted.. haix.. spent 2 days studying gp. like studying gp can. i never studied for gp before. don't even know what i'm doing. just reading.. now just randomly throwing words into the thesaurus. more like excuse to slack. i can always finish all that reading in less than a day actually. oh well. after gp tmr then need to study phy alrdy. after tonight no more excuse to slack. sian.

2008-08-23T12:27:00.002+08:00

i cannot accept and i cannot let go. i need you. i will always be fine on the outside. life will go on as per normal. only i will know that things have changed. there is an empty space only you can fill. this is why i need you.. maybe one day you will understand..

2008-08-19T21:03:00.003+08:00

i spammed thermal today. and i was ironically freezing almost the entire day. super cold today.. i think i wasted my time on thermal though. the IB qns are either too simple or too different from the tys qns. shucks. but i've maxed out my concentration span on that for today. oh well.. can't wait to end tmr. i think i'll feel better.

i am scared. and whining a lot. i should shut up man. ><

life laughs at you when you're unhappy
life smiles at you when you're happy
life salutes you when you make someone else happy.

random!

2008-08-16T00:59:00.002+08:00

i wanna go uni!!!! i wanna skip a's and go uni NOW! can i can i?? haha.. i just wanna play. thats all.

why am i awake at such an hour. i'll die tmr. like how i died this morning after sleeping at like past 12 last night. but i feel awake lor. at least for now la.

I COULD SYNTHESIZE ALL THE ORGANIC CHEM PRODUCTS. congratulate me! i still hate chem. i will always hate chem. wahhaa..

so sian. go sleep? maybe ltr. i'll consider organic chem over and done with for now. tmr chiong the inorganic then i can start on math and econs and physics.

i never thought i would know anybody who would commit suicide. but as of now, i know of 2. one unsuccessful, the other successful - this morning. it saddens me to think how hopeless they must have felt. but i have no attachment to the both of them. blood-ties but no emotional ties. that itself is quite sad too, isn't it?

oh well. time to go sleeep.

2008-08-14T23:08:00.002+08:00

it's pretty late. i'm pretty tired. i can't sleep. maybe i just dun feel like sleeping. haha.. so sian diao. i didn't study anything today. my timetable has literally gone down the drain. i wanna study. but its so disappointing. i dun seem to be improving at all. nth nth!! no improvement!! rahh.

its not like i'm not concentrating. i really sit down and go through the notes and work through the qns. either i do it wrongly or take freaking long to do them. i know i don't do well in mcq cos i take too long to think. but i'm not improving on that. i know what my weaker topics are and i've been drilling those qns. but i'm still dong a lot of things wrongly.

and i can't teach english grammar man. how to explain why its days' and not days? or how to use neither nor? or why its 'should be welcomed' and not 'should be welcome'? i've to find answers to that and come up w simple explanations for my tutee man.. sheeshh..

you know, ms sara says its okay if i dun take exam! haha.. so happy lor. if i take confirm fail one. take in nov, or take next yr also the same! cos its impro. and i'll never pass impro. sure fail and waste money one.

lotsa things on my mind. getting tired.. haha.. oh welll.. i'm really weird. i think my brain processes things faster than i realise. a lot of things i somehow know i alrdy know but i refuse to accept until i justify it. but justification requires step by step painful analysis that my brain usually doesn't handle v well. thats a problem. cos sometimes i alrdy know answers to my problems but i dun know how i get the answers - they seem to pop out from nowhere, but they are answers i seek and they are the answers i get eventually. its just that i refuse to believe in it until i can justify it, reason it out. which is precisely what i'm tying to do right now i guess.. now you see why i keep so much to myself? cos deep inside i alrdy know what the answers are. but i doubt what i know. but i know i'm right. so i find a way to reason out my thinking. cos i'll just be wasting other's time if i ask for help. cos i alrdy know the answers.

its a long loooong post. with just random thoughts. just feel like talking rubbish.

i want escape.

they all have big goals. i have my goals. but i dun know if they're achievable. i want to one day play my electone with the right touch. i want an smu scholarship. i want to bring my tutees back on the right track. and a lot of other things i guess.. so greedy right. haha.. haiyo.

rahhhh. back to studying tmr. i wanna move faster!!! STUCK!!

shall i go sleep now? haven't been sleeping well.. taking quite a while to fall asleep. and having weird dreams. not that i rmb any of them though. i wake up knowing i dreamt but i forget immediately what it is about. another amazing feat of the brain. haha..

i wanna go on and on and on. imagine what it feels like to be on a tour now. waking in the morning to fog and nice sweet air. i wanna live on barns with big windmills and brick walls and swaying wheatfields. yah right. quite scary de lor! especially at night. such a big house in the middle of nowhere.. =X but it'll be really cool if we could fly, wouldn't it? just fly. always wondered what it felt like to be in the bright blue sky with the clouds and all the fluff. haha.. okay, time to go sleep alrdy la.

feeling better letting my imagination and thoughts just run. haha.. been long since the last time i did that.