it's pretty late. i'm pretty tired. i can't sleep. maybe i just dun feel like sleeping. haha.. so sian diao. i didn't study anything today. my timetable has literally gone down the drain. i wanna study. but its so disappointing. i dun seem to be improving at all. nth nth!! no improvement!! rahh.


its not like i'm not concentrating. i really sit down and go through the notes and work through the qns. either i do it wrongly or take freaking long to do them. i know i don't do well in mcq cos i take too long to think. but i'm not improving on that. i know what my weaker topics are and i've been drilling those qns. but i'm still dong a lot of things wrongly.

and i can't teach english grammar man. how to explain why its days' and not days? or how to use neither nor? or why its 'should be welcomed' and not 'should be welcome'? i've to find answers to that and come up w simple explanations for my tutee man.. sheeshh..

you know, ms sara says its okay if i dun take exam! haha.. so happy lor. if i take confirm fail one. take in nov, or take next yr also the same! cos its impro. and i'll never pass impro. sure fail and waste money one.

lotsa things on my mind. getting tired.. haha.. oh welll.. i'm really weird. i think my brain processes things faster than i realise. a lot of things i somehow know i alrdy know but i refuse to accept until i justify it. but justification requires step by step painful analysis that my brain usually doesn't handle v well. thats a problem. cos sometimes i alrdy know answers to my problems but i dun know how i get the answers - they seem to pop out from nowhere, but they are answers i seek and they are the answers i get eventually. its just that i refuse to believe in it until i can justify it, reason it out. which is precisely what i'm tying to do right now i guess.. now you see why i keep so much to myself? cos deep inside i alrdy know what the answers are. but i doubt what i know. but i know i'm right. so i find a way to reason out my thinking. cos i'll just be wasting other's time if i ask for help. cos i alrdy know the answers.

its a long loooong post. with just random thoughts. just feel like talking rubbish.

i want escape.

they all have big goals. i have my goals. but i dun know if they're achievable. i want to one day play my electone with the right touch. i want an smu scholarship. i want to bring my tutees back on the right track. and a lot of other things i guess.. so greedy right. haha.. haiyo.

rahhhh. back to studying tmr. i wanna move faster!!! STUCK!!

shall i go sleep now? haven't been sleeping well.. taking quite a while to fall asleep. and having weird dreams. not that i rmb any of them though. i wake up knowing i dreamt but i forget immediately what it is about. another amazing feat of the brain. haha..

i wanna go on and on and on. imagine what it feels like to be on a tour now. waking in the morning to fog and nice sweet air. i wanna live on barns with big windmills and brick walls and swaying wheatfields. yah right. quite scary de lor! especially at night. such a big house in the middle of nowhere.. =X but it'll be really cool if we could fly, wouldn't it? just fly. always wondered what it felt like to be in the bright blue sky with the clouds and all the fluff. haha.. okay, time to go sleep alrdy la.

feeling better letting my imagination and thoughts just run. haha.. been long since the last time i did that.