you know, i'm kinda like really stupid.. if i want so much for him to believe because i know he is so powerful it'll make a whole lot of a difference, then surely he is powerful enough to take care of all this crap and in that case why in the world am i still unable to leave it all to him? why worry, why the absence of peace, why can't i trust in the usual 'even if its bad now, there is a greater reason behind it all'. i think i know. cos its not my pain, its someone else's pain, someone i care and love. so it stings especially much. but that makes it my pain and ultimately my worry and i'm back to square 1. so i dun really know after all. perhaps its because i know it is for a greater uncomprehendable reason, but i know he might not know, and because he might not know and he doesn't know him it'll be particularly bad for him. and it hurts when someone else hurts. i wish it all happened to me instead.

but like i said, i'm really dumb. i've felt his presence and i know his grace is sufficient for me and he is all i need. so why worry. why worry..

Father may your mercy fall upon us and may your strength be upon us. let your will be done. but grant us your peace and comfort, your guidance and your love.