I didnt have anything to write about a while ago, but I felt like writing so I went to look for smth to write about. As I was looking through stuff, I rmbed that I would be going down to Taman Jurong CC tmr evening to visit the organisers who sent us down as "Sg ambassadors" to the World expo in Aichi, Japan in 2005. It has been quite some time back and I didn't want to go down and have nth to talk abt, with regards to the trip that I have been really privileged to have been sent to, so I rumaged my precious box for anything that would jolt some memories. I managed to find my notebook and a photo album, and they were good enough.

I realise I used to be a lot more observant than I am right now. Other than jotting down things like I enjoyed painting the scultures, or I had fun interacting with the Japanese students, I actually wrote things like, 'prepared blue tarps for painting - good planning' or 'invited artists to share ideas and opinions - creative thinking'. I think I've kinda lost the knack for planning and organising events alrdy. I don't think I watch these details as much, or even at all these days. =S

Another thing in my reflections in the notebook struck me, and come to think of it, it might have been part of the reason why I eventually was selected to be a disco exco. I always rmb myself as one with very little confidence in my abilities and in particular, my creativity, back in secondary school. But I saw myself writing things like 'maximise yourself in whatever you do' and 'be creative, be original, challenge yourself' and 'be forthcoming' and 'be proud of what you do'. And I wrote those phrases a few times on different days. Loooking at the handwriting, I probably was scribbling those down as someone was talking abt them, which proably means that those phrases were the ones that stood out and spoke to me very strongly. And I suddenly realise that back then, even though I knew my weaknesses, I kept trying and putting in a lot of effort to overcome them. Perhaps that is why I made the Exco interview even though I thought I was making it very clear that I didn't want to be successful in the interview. =X But of course I've never regretted Disco even till this day. But thats not the point. The point is, I've become a lot weaker over the past few years!! I no longer challenge myself to such a point and I no longer have the drive to do so. I used to wonder why I could wake up to study for an hr and then go back to sleep for 30mins and continue this cycle through the entire night, just to finish mugging bio or geog properly, back in rv, but not be able to do that ever since I got into hc. Well now I know. Sheesh. It makes me all the more convinced that if I qualify for a double degree (and I really am hoping that I do =S), I would go with my passion and do econs and accountancy although there are like 44 modules to take in total. =X

Okay I think I'm crazy. But I've been thinking about life a lot lately. I used to have a sole purpose in life - to spread and be a testimony to God's love and kingdom. But I've been kinda dry and down as of late. Perhaps its time to challenge myself the way I used to, to pick myself up and do the things I know I am on Earth for. To stop induging in my own emotions and do my part in this play, where all life's a stage, for an audience of One.