i've been trying my best to keep that happy smile on today and I've had enough. Its a freaking moody day that's full of crap. I feel so stupid and so helpless staring at the scores. Its not that I don't want to, I'm really slow at this and I really cannot do it. I'm no talent. I've played the instrument long enough to know that.

And I'm sick of you playing with my feelings. I don't why I even feel guilty. Like its my fault you wanna wallow in self-pity. Like its my fault I'm not responding to yr blatant hints. Whats your problem??

It sucks to feel happy and yet a deepening sense of lost all at the same time. It sucks to wanna smile and cry at the same time. I never knew it was possible to genuinely feel both at the same time.

I wish life was simpler. I wish I could be satisfied with the Greatest Love of all. What is it in me that's missing?