i'm seriously bored. like seriously seriously bored. i'm quite proud of myself for finishing chem twice already but doing it for the third time today is really horribly boring!! granted i don't remember everything but still it's so siannnn... actually i shouldn't be complaining so much lo. i actually managed to finish it so many times leh. not bad already. hahaa..

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. i wanna go play. hahaaa.. and do a lot of things. so sian. okay this post is getting nowhere.

today's a good day! forget that physics paper was tough and i actually didn't know how to do centripetal acceleration of all things, and that i was almost sneezing since throughout the day, today's a good day still!

went to play badminton after physics paper. lotsa people went home to sleep i know. but i have electone at 4.30 and tuition at 7 so i thought just forget bout studying for today and go play instead. haha.. besides, tmr's math. its not a content subject and so not one you can prepare for at the last minute. hopefully the practice over the holidays pay off tomorrow though. badminton was good, but i don't think i was his match. haha.. good start to a healthy exercise routine though! i've been lazing around for really long. getting fat man. >< maybe i'll go jog some time over the weekend..

electone was pretty good. we did something new today. instead of playing the piece and showing me how it's done, ms sara let me listen to the mp3 version of it. helps a lot! and that jap lady's songs are very nice! i like the rhythm most i think.. i must go find and download.. haha..

tuition paid off too. nevermind i was soo tired when i napped for bout 10 mins before leaving the house it felt like an hour's sleep, or that i had 4 tutees instead of 2 because of lack of tutors and i couldn't help but find myself ignoring the 2 due to inability to use the naruto skill and like replicate myself (i can't rmb the name for that skill ><). got a little closer to my tutees though. i hope she feels better tomorrow..

and then i'm here! i read through stats alrdy. i think i'll finish up sampling methods and go sleep. tomorrow morning then revise the rest. okay nights!

exhilaration!

yays yays yays! haha.. i need an outlet man. hahaa.. you don't expect me to just sit down and continue mugging. i can't. but i can't express it either. darn. hahaha.. feel like going for a loooong walk. but i keep thinking of the topics i've yet to cover for tmr's paper then don't really dare already. haha.. aiyoh. so difficult to keep excitement to yourself and pretend nth happened.

so happy. haha.. darn i'm going crazy. hahah.. i shall go 7-11.

we had gp today! for the first time in my life i danced around the topic and still didn't have time to finish! the question looked so deceptively simple i should have known better than to have chosen it. i was still thinking about it as i was walking home just now and i realise what i should have focused on. gone sia. haha.. oh well. compre was disastrous. i absolutely detest the long essays on freedom of speech blah blah. they're complicated, philosophical and more than half the time i don't get what they're trying to bring across. 'newspapers are not monastries' - very effective contrast mehh?? i didn't even SEE the contrast unti the qn said so. so much for effective. ><

tmr's econs! afternoon paper. lets hope my new studying method works. else i'm really dead. hahaa..

tmr you're coming back! yay!

i don't feel like touching my notes for now. i shall go read the econs egoups instead.

AHHHH. hahaha.. i've been slacking!! haha.. and i wanna slack somemore. i'm been really distracted today. granted i managed to really sit down and read through quantum and semiconductors and like truly understand them for he first time in my life, but after which i have been slacking. flipped through some of the past gp assignment and articles and thats it. i guess i just can't take my mind off you. there's so many things to be done once blocks are over but i'm starting to wonder how i'll survive a levels. my concentration span is shortening at an alarmingly exponential rate. i guess we'll just have to take it as it comes.

today was quite a good day actually. zoe came to church and sat through cell group with the sec 1s even. i must say i was pretty worried the night before, thinking about how today would turn out but eveything fell into place nicely in the end. it was pretty much like camp. i realise i'm constantly being challenged to step out of my comfort zone to do more and be more. and everytime i step out in faith God somehow makes my path relatively nice and pleasant. haha..

i need to learn to express myself. or rather, dare to express myself. maybe i'll start treating my blog better. but for now, i need a new blogskin! ah okay, maybe not now, after blocks. see! yet another thing to do after blocks!

i wanted to talk about something else but i was distracted. hm. okay nvm. i've forgotten. ohoh! i rmb! i think i should prepare myself for reopening of school. i can already foresee what might happen and i really need to make some mental and spritual preparations to avoid disappointing myself and Heaven above.

okay. slacked enough. back to mugging time! BLOCKS SO FUN! =D

i have a new OVEN! not toaster you know. oven! hahaa.. someone teach me how to bake. i wanna learn lo..

this is the first time i'm trying this. i'm not memorising anything at all. just remembering the factors that kind. reading through the notes, tutorials and essays. i hope it internalizes man. else i'm dead. hahaa..

okay. 2 more sets of notes to go!

ONE camp!

haha.. really good. just the right amount of activities, the right pace, etc etc. it was really draining but it did keep my mind off matters and i did achieve my objective in going for it in a way. i'm kinda at a lost at how to continue this though.. and sometimes i wonder if i have what it takes for it. what if you give them wrong advice, or tell them the wrong thing? Its easy to say its only human to make mistakes but its not that simple a matter when the consequences are faced by more than yourself alone.

and you make me worry a lot, my goodness. i wish i could see your thoughts and just know whats going through your mind. i just hope you'll be strong.

and blocks. i tried to recap organic just now. my goodness. its only half there. half of it has flown to the netherlands. and theres still so much to cover for blocks! and there're so many major happenings these 2 weeks. i dun even want to think abt what my result slip will look like man.

see i told you camp takes things off my mind. now that i'm back it's all back as well. ><

sheesh. i guess this is when you learn to just believe.

just heck and chiong man. RAH. intensive mugging starts tmr. tonight, i sleep.

jairus' world collasped on him twice in a day. yet all it took for everything to be okay again was 'do not be afraid. just believe.' kinda struck me really hard. in a way, i've always been so optimistic because i never let my hopes be raised too high, so i don't fall too hard if i do fall. honesty speaking, i dun take failure too well. when things do happen succesfully though, i take it as a pleasant suprise. but it seems i'm being challenged right now. challenged to once again truly hope and believe even though my hopes have been cruelly dashed before. in a certain light, its hope and make yourself vulnerable. but in a different perspective, its hope and believe and so receive peace.

i think i'll choose to believe again.

its so simple. haha.. silly me..

i wanna read a really nice fairy tale. haha.. green marsh, swaying wheat, morning dew. ahh.. pretty.

in the end everything will be okay. looking forward to your return. =)

SMILES =D

lalalalalalalalalalaalalalalalala

sweet sweet song

drown out everything. haha.. i'm crazy.

no. maybe i'm not crazy. but i'm driving myself nuts. setting unrealistic goals. expecting the impossible.

i'm an idiot.

RAHHHSKSDJMIJIOJCJKQMIWJVW

they're cutting my water supply. some construction work. sheesh.

feels like we're going to war. high prices, riots, famine. feels like everythings coming to an end. feels like there's little time left for you and everyone else. feels like i'm seriously insane.

haiyoooooooo...

so bloody pissed. you have no right to say anything just like you have no right to accuse me of anything. where have you been right from the start huh? i'm expected to find out everything on my own. i only have one request, of which i without doubt would have done on my own if i had the authority. one simple request and so much complaints and yet i've been doing more than this crap all this while!

RAH!

i really wanna just abandon this all. just forget it and get on with life. i am never, NEVER coming back to this place.

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you know, i'm kinda like really stupid.. if i want so much for him to believe because i know he is so powerful it'll make a whole lot of a difference, then surely he is powerful enough to take care of all this crap and in that case why in the world am i still unable to leave it all to him? why worry, why the absence of peace, why can't i trust in the usual 'even if its bad now, there is a greater reason behind it all'. i think i know. cos its not my pain, its someone else's pain, someone i care and love. so it stings especially much. but that makes it my pain and ultimately my worry and i'm back to square 1. so i dun really know after all. perhaps its because i know it is for a greater uncomprehendable reason, but i know he might not know, and because he might not know and he doesn't know him it'll be particularly bad for him. and it hurts when someone else hurts. i wish it all happened to me instead.

but like i said, i'm really dumb. i've felt his presence and i know his grace is sufficient for me and he is all i need. so why worry. why worry..

Father may your mercy fall upon us and may your strength be upon us. let your will be done. but grant us your peace and comfort, your guidance and your love.

stressed like anything. arghhh.. the numbers just add up to so much. and i'm so afraid it'll all mess up. my gosh.. in lotsa ways i really blame myself. i know its poor planning. after all that i've done in the past i should know better than to produce such crap. i am supposed to. rahh. i know i never wanted to do it in the first place. but having done it i should have given it my best shot but i obviously haven't and i know it. i can no longer find the motivation to do such stuff.. i dunno whats wrong with me.

todays supposed to be a good day. todays a special day.. but i get more and more worried as the week approaches its end. i hope and pray you'll get good results..

good day? happy day. yes yes. haha.. i really feel v loved today. =P thanks a lot to the many many people and the special mentions of course. you know who you are. haha.. i went to the singapore flyer today! my brother and my dad were complaning quite a bit bout it being nth much but i reallyy liked it. its slow but its v relaxing. really nicee.. hah.. it it weren't so costly i would go again, this time in the day or when it rains.. =P

alrighttt.. hopefully there'll be more good news to come. all the best to you! =)

haiz. seems like God doesn't want me to post an angry post. cos i wrote one but error occurred when i posted it. oh well. not like it matters.

sighhhh.. sighh sighh..

SIGH.

i'm here again cos i cannot take it. i hate uploading files. hotmail is darn slow. and my files are darn big. sheesh..

todays okay day i guess. improvement from the last few days. went to run at botanic gardens with dion. i think my stamina is horrible alrdy man. less than 30mins and i was like dying alrdy. and i'm feeling too lazy to go exercise these days.. whats happening to my english. i sound horrible. sheesh. anyway, went to school after that. the cake was a nice suprise. i kinda saw it coming but the past few days there has been so much going on i sorta forgot my birthday's soon. but thanks anyway.. it was nice. haha..

well well. lots to do. oh well. go sleep. tmr wake up early and mug.