Ah I never expected to draw that many comments on the last post. Lol.

But in any case, I had my Keppel assessment today and it was seriously challenging =X I felt quite stupid after the tests actually. They were a little like the IQ tests on fb. The first one was short passages followed by true/false/cannot tell statements. The second was mainly intepreting graphs and data. The third was the pattern kind where you are shown a sequence and asked to decide what comes next. I left TEN questions blank for the last one. That's 1/4 of the total number of questions. And to think I was still kinda proud of myself for being able to figure out the answers as I did the first 30 questions. Righttt. Logical thinking and math are supposed to be my strengths. >< I was quite relieved though, that Keppel's idea of "verbal reasoning" was nothing close to a group debate/discussion. I don't think I would do well for that.

The essay question was unexpected but I suppose still manageable. I managed to write something sensible - or at least I think it is sensible, although my essay was clearly sorely lacking concrete examples. I realise though, that my EL has deproved tremendously. I seem to write very colloquially now. I really need to start reading and writing more.

That about sums up the assessment. I might not do well for it, but like all the others, I think it was a good experience. I met people I knew though! Shiju who did 你怕黑吗？in J1! I did sounds for that play. He went to VJC after the first 3 mths but we didn't know each other very well so we never kept in contact. We found each other familiar at the waiting area and somehow figured out how we knew each other. I think interviews and assesments are good for getting to know more people! Acquaintances they may be, but you might very well see them again. After all, only that many people intend to study overseas, and we only have that many universities in sg..

Electone competition was atrocious. Don't ask about it. Let's pretend it never happened! Hahaa. Rightt.

And mel! I only found out today what TGIF means!! Waaha. And I found out cos my sqdmates kept going TGIT cos tmr's the LAST working day for the week! Happiness. Hehh. And Geraldine and I are heading to Pizza Hut to make good their super attractive meal deal before we head to FaithActs.

I love the life I lead.

I've been accepted at SMU! Double degree in Econs and Accountancy. Yeshh. Must learn to be content. No scholarship ehh nvm la right. I'll ehh go earn and save my own money for exchange. BUT I think I still have a slight chance at keppel's. I was quite happy with my performance at the interview and I have been 'invited' for the next assesment on wed. Its the part I hate most in all the scholarship selection processes but oh well. In any case, it'll be a good experience? After all, I think the 2 interviews that I flopped before I did the keppel one, were very useful for preparing me for the keppel one itself. Experience helps. But it kinda also reminds me that I'm not the type who'll excel at things I have never done before. But NVM.

On a side note, if anybody's going to smu, kindly let me know? I don't want to go to school on my own...

...I sound like a pre-schooler =/

I feel more and more stupid after each interview =X

I would say the SMU one that I did this morning was way better than the CAAS one. The professors were friendly and they didn't put on airs. But I'm very disappointed with my performance because the questions were so simple and expected yet I didn't have the proper answers.

One of the highlights of my interview
Interviewer: (Pause) Well that's a really optimistic view of the econs crisis! *looks at other interviewer and laughs*

Me: Errr yah *laughs* (thinks: I would love to disappear now cos they know how little I know abt the econs crisis)

Awkward silence

Another highlight
Interviewer: So are you intending to go into teaching?

Me: Well, no. *laughs*

*interviewers laugh*

Interviewer: So what do you intend to do then?

Me: Eh work in the econs/finance department in a firm

Interviewers: *nods*

And then they decide to change the topic.

Me: *thinks: huh? That's all???*

Yet another highlight
Interviewer: So how familiar are you with the resilience package?

Me: *stumped; realise I've completely forgotten about it* Ahh, somewhat familiar.

Interviewer: Okay so tell us what you know about it.

Me: *thinks: oh dearrrrrrrrr*

There's a lot more that I rmb actually. My mind was whirring the moment I stepped into the interview room. I spoke so quickly and yet so fluently I suprised even myself. It didn't feel like I was the one speaking. The words just came and though I know I have shown myself to be an ignorant applicant with what I said, I thank God that at least I could string sentences at lightning speed.

I'm not optimistic about the scholarship. Not at all. I'll just be a normal student. Yea. It's not that bad is it? =X

You see that's the problem with aiming high. You, or at least I, will only give my best shot for smth I am convinced I want very badly. And so I usu convince myself that I want smth real bad so that I would see myself put in my all. But when I fail to get what I want in the end, the disappointment becomes real. Although in the first place, I wouldn't even have felt anything cos I was content with what I had and I didn't exactly want that additional smth. But oh welll. Who ask me to be so lazy I won't try hard enough for smth without first believing that I really want it?

Tmr's keppel. I'm not hopeful bout this one at all.

OH MY GOSH. Interview in bout 10 hrs time? I really reallyyyy want this. Oh mannnnn.

I am one LAZY girl.

I am supposed to be preparing for my interviews for tmr and tues but what have I been doing the entire evening? Come up with a few q&a for tmr's interview, facebook, email, and now I'm here! I dunno how I managed to waste 2 hrs doing all that leh. Goodness. I'm so laidback now its gonna be really difficult getting used to uni when it starts =X

Anyway, I've decided to do smth about my blog template. It has been quite a while since I accidentally saved this one over my previous one. And I have been too lazy (till today - actually I still am) to change the layout. But I'm quite sick of preparing for my interview so here I am.

Okay maybe I should go prepare for my interview. Sheeshh. Maybe I'll just revamp it a little.. After all the interview's at 10:15am! I don't have to wake up till 8. And I slept so much on friday night.

This is one pointless entry. Lol

I get highly annoyed with myself when I get upset just cos he is. Its not like he cares, not like my concern matters. I feel for lotsa people but I feel so much more for him when things go wrong. Its as if you have this need to want somebody else to be happy and you know you would go all out to make it happen, only that they wouldn't want your help and wouldn't care less that you should be bothered. I am reminded again of the rejection but I also rmb why I managed to accept his decision after struggling with it for months. I know I have always held on to the tiny hope that things would work out fine, but facing rejection time and time again was much too painful. At least I am free from that now, well, sort of.

So he says, they are bastards. They want things they cannot get.

Really?

Sometimes I feel like a fool.

Much thanks to GERALDINE! I have the song that we heard at the Nude bar =))

Listen to it. Its good. But the Cats in the Cradle did the mix much better. I think its just the jamming that's really good actually. Other than that, the song's just quite dark. The lyrics are really dark and I think the title puts me off quite a bit. But it has its own history - apparently smth about slavery. I'm so glad we're in a modern era where society doesn't condone such nonsense, or at least Singapore doesn't. Oh but then again, there are the maid-abusing employers. Sheeshh. Makes you wonder how there can be so much evil in this world. How can people do such crazy things and not have their conscience weighing on them? How do people go to war?? =X

Zombie - Cranberries

I thought I would just drop by to say a few words since I'm still waiting for esther to call so I can go help her with her work.

I went for my very first uni/scholarship interview last thursday! It was a horrendous experience. I'm totally appalled at the fact that there lies such an area in the magnificent and magical place called the airport. Well enough said about the interview. I think I've complained a lot about it already. =X But in any case, if it did teach me anything, it is that I need to come up with a list of basic interview questions and think of how exactly I would answer them. I realise I pretty much have the answers to the questions but I can't verbalise them well enough. Hm.

Anyway, this weekend hasn't been exactly the most exciting, but it has been quite a busy one. I went to Mind's cafe with Disco on fri, and then went to just hang out with the 2a people, and as usual, well, hung out and did pretty much nth. Sat morning we had our Saturday Fellowship event and prasie God 3 boys/girls accepted Christ =)) I never really expected it actually. But then again, I wasn't around for the msg. There was this malay girl who couldn't join the rest for the msg so we sat outside and accompanied her. I'm quite suprised her parents even allow her to join the Girls' Brigade. But well, God works wonders. She asked me what the last supper was about. I tried to explain, but as always, trying to explain the gospel always reminds me that I'm really quite bad at it. I can't decide if its because I don't explain things very well or because I don't know the Word well enough. In any case, I think I should be reading my Bible more ><

Rushed home to practise my electone for bout an hour or so before heading for lesson. Amazingly managed to play the first half of the song without major errors and despite the fact that I was really tired. Headed off to school with initial plans to watch zongcai but it poured so the plans were abandoned and I ended up at Swenson's with Geraldine. I think Swenson's baked rice is really good! I've had it twice this week alrdy and I'm still not sick of it. We went down to the Nude bar outside Wisma for drinks and basically ended the day there. Drinks there are quite gd though the food is kinda pricey and not exactly very appetising. But they do have a pretty good band and I love one of their pieces. Quite lucky to have heard it both times we were there!

And then there's today! I think the Easter service was really good! Killed myself staying at yamaha the whole afternoon after service, had dinner and now I'm back home. I'm quite exhausted actually. But I haven't exactly done anything today. In fact I woke up at 7 though my alarm was to ring at 9. Needless to say, by 11am, I was alrdy very tired. I think I can spend an entire day taking intermittent naps. I need to sleep lesser! Don't wanna end up sleeping in class in uni.. ><

Ah received my sms! I have 30 mins to shower before I meet Esther. Just nice =)

Its good to have someone to talk to. Haha.. I used to keep a lot of things to myself because I didn't want to show others the vulnerable side of me. I wanted to keep people at a distance. I couldn't allow anyone to come that close to me. It freaked me out.

But today I've to deal with things so bad I can't do it on my own. Honestly speaking though, I think I've just become much more dependent on others. And I really love the few people who have always been here for me.

I'm a very childish person, trust me. For all the maturity people claim I possess, I'm really just a 19 year old kid looking for the perfect boy, the most beautiful house, the prettiest dresses, lotsa friends and the wonderfully sweet fairy-tale ending.

Bet you never knew this side of me. Forgive me, I'm still young. =D

i've been trying my best to keep that happy smile on today and I've had enough. Its a freaking moody day that's full of crap. I feel so stupid and so helpless staring at the scores. Its not that I don't want to, I'm really slow at this and I really cannot do it. I'm no talent. I've played the instrument long enough to know that.

And I'm sick of you playing with my feelings. I don't why I even feel guilty. Like its my fault you wanna wallow in self-pity. Like its my fault I'm not responding to yr blatant hints. Whats your problem??

It sucks to feel happy and yet a deepening sense of lost all at the same time. It sucks to wanna smile and cry at the same time. I never knew it was possible to genuinely feel both at the same time.

I wish life was simpler. I wish I could be satisfied with the Greatest Love of all. What is it in me that's missing?

In less than a minute, it'll be FRIDAY. =DDD

Tmr the 2a pple are meeting again! Yays! Can't wait to see them again. Hehh. There's a lot going on this weekend. Tmr its dinner at vivo (yes I consider friday a weekend =P), sat there's the dreaded keppel scholarship tea, very stressful electone and then *hopefully* steamboat with 6J. Sun would be the usual rushing around in the earlier half of the day, a concert at 5 and then my dinner treat for my family at say, 7? Yea. Sounds good. I like having things to do with people. Hehh.

Kinda anxious about saturday's scholarship tea though. I still don't know how to prepare for an interview. I suddenly realise I've never done anything this serious before. The scariest interview I had was the Council Exco selection one in sec 3. But when I did that one, I had a mind not to get selected so it didn't matter to me how I performed. Other than that, it was the PW OP Q&A thingy that I wasn't even really nervous about. Come to think about it, I really wonder why. I was so sure I would be able to handle it.

You know what?? Its FRIDAY =D

Lets not deal on the past, or the worries of the present. Its friday. FRIDAY. We'll deal with the Keppel and the Electone thingys tmr night, assuming I don't feel as nua as I am right now =)